My Inner Most Thoughts

New Year's 2011

2012-01-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

Ash in her new kitchen

B and I for New Year's Eve

Grandpa George and Bronson

Watching the fireworks

Daddy and B

She She and Bronson (He loves her so much)

Ash and Joe got the keys to their new house the day before Christmas Eve so Kyle, Bronson, and I invited ourselves over to her house for New Year's to help her with the move. It was a very quiet evening highlighted by the beautiful view from her back deck to be able to watch all of the fireworks. I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed when I realized that it was the first New Year's in a long time that I was able to spend with my little sister and Dad. God has provided us so many miracles and trials in 2011 and I pray that 2012 brings so many blessings to my family. My Dad is starting college for the first time and my little sister is beginning her new life in Redmond, Oregon.

2011 in Review

2012-01-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

January 2011: She She is pregnant

January 2011: We go to the beach

February 2011: Bronson starts working in the garage

March 2011: Ashley's Baby Shower

April 25, 2011: Oaklen McCrae is born

May 2011: Ashley's 1st Mother's Day at Eola Hills Winery

June 2011: Bronson LOVES Dennis the Menace

July 2011: Bronson gets a new car from Yaya and Papa

July 2011: Nana takes the kids to Gilbert House

July 2011: Philomath Car Show

August 2011: Ashley's Birthday Weekend at the coast

August 2011

August 2011: Just four days later we would learn that Ash had cancer

August 2011

August 2011: Our boys sleeping together

August 2011

September 2011: I turned 30

September 2011: We celebrated early so that Ash could go in for surgery the 8th

October 2011: Grandpa George meets his boys

October 2011: BFF gets married

October 2011: Harvest Town

November 2011: Kyle, Jim, and I go to Vegas

November 2011: Thanksgiving at Uncle Kelly's

November 2011: Vegas

December 2011: Merry Christmas

Bronson turns 4

2012-01-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

December 28th

Bronson's desire to have our house all decorated for Christmas

Eating his 2nd cupcake

Playing with the girls

Olivia and Parker

Bronson and Mia

December is a very busy month for us. Bronson turned 4 on the 28th and had a HUGE birthday party complete with lots of family, friends, food, and a pinata. The pinata turned out to be a huge melt down as Bronson didn't want anyone to break his motorcycle, but I think that overall it was lots of fun. Bronson was beyond spoiled and enjoyed having several friends over to run around the house and have gun wars. I didn't realize how many toy guns he owned until I realized that he had enough to outfit each and every friend and their dads. I am so thankful that we have so many people in our lives that love Bronson and enjoy spending time with him. He has made so many leaps and bounds to become such a strong and healthy little boy. I took him to the doctor's on the 29th and he is the 47% for weight (weighing just over 35 lbs) and 75% for height. He is such a smart boy and continues to amaze everyone including his doctor by some of the funny things that he has to say. His most recent conversation at the doctor's office was that he kept making himself throw up because Mommy's dog lady friend had gotten dog hair in his mouth and he just couldn't get it out. This cracked us up. I look forward to what this year has to offer Bronson. Four just seems so much older than 3. I can't believe that my little tiny miracle baby is now so big!

8 years of marriage

2012-01-06T11:03:00.000-08:00

Standing in front of our 2011 Christmas tree (I look forward to cleaning after Christmas every year)

We have made it 8 years and sometimes it doesn't even feel like a year has passed. This year was definitely one of our most relaxed anniversaries, but I wouldn't have changed a piece of it. Kyle and I woke up early and went to lunch, purchased some more fiesta ware, and then headed home to just hang out before picking up Bronson. We decided to swap out our old BBQ so that we had room for the one that my Mom purchased for us and then headed back down to Blodgett to pick up our little boy. It was his last day of being 3 after all and we wanted to celebrate. We allowed him to pick the restaurant and the three of us headed out to Izzy's to have some pizza. I know that it doesn't sound that romantic, but to me there is nothing better in this world than being with my two favorite guys. After dinner Kyle and I went home with Bronson and they built the BBQ while Bronson used power tools and Styrofoam to create a castle. I stayed inside the house and took down all of the Christmas decorations so that our house would have more room for Bronson's party the next day. In honor of our 8 years of marriage I will list the top 8 things I love about Kyle:

Bronson's last day of being 3

I want to be this many

His smile
His heart. He is one of the sweetest people I know
His love for his son. I have never known anyone in my life that devotes themselves so completely to their children.
His integrity. If you know Kyle you know that he always had your back and will always provide you with honest feedback.
The fact that he works so hard for Bronson and I so that we have a stable and loving home to raise our family.
His sense of humor. Yes, it does sometimes go overboard, but no one (other than Bronson) can make me laugh so hard.
His ability to get along with anybody. He might not be the social butterfly that I am, but when he becomes your friend he will be a friend for life.
The fact that he is my best friend and that we can talk about anything. I enjoy our late night conversations about life, cars, and even sometimes decorating.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

I recently told someone that once they have children Christmas will become magical again. I firmly believe that having children makes everything more magical, but this year was one of the most magical holiday seasons of all. Bronson was sooo into pretending to be an elf and enjoying all the Christmas stories that we talked about. He also had some very deep questions to ask me about Christmas being Jesus' birthday and why we receive gifts if it is not our birthday. I think that these questions come because of his birthday's close proximity to Christmas. The cutest thing that he came up with on his own is that Jesus doesn't ask for presents because all He wants is to love us. He then began to sing, "Jesus loves me." I love my little boy and his desire to know all about Jesus and how come God can see us all the time. He definitely has a funny side, but his desire to love God is amazing.

John, Kyle and their boys

Santa and his elves

Santa

Auntie Lex and Oaklen

Two miracles of 2011

Deets Family Christmas Eve 2011

Christmas this year was VERY busy! My sister Ashley's husband bought their first home right before Christmas so we had the anticipation of going over the mountain (to Redmond) after our holiday festivities. We spent the night before Christmas Eve at Kyle's parents and then woke up the morning of Christmas Eve and went to visit the Mortenson's out in Kings Valley. After our quick visit with John and Heather and their boys we went to my sister Alexis's house and enjoyed wonderful food and gifts with my sisters and mom. It was lots of fun and we enjoyed dressing up baby Oaklen and laughing at his giant belly in his Santa suit.

Nana and her family

Grandpa George and his boys

We then left my sister's house and headed out to Scio to my Aunt Teresa's house to celebrate Christmas with my Dad's side of the family. This was my Dad's first Christmas home and it was so exciting to see how much his two grandsons love their Grandpa George. I am so thankful for all of the prayers for our relationship with Dad. He is doing so great and I know without a doubt that he is going to leave a legacy of his love for God to his family.

Elf Boy

We then left Aunt Teresa's house and drove back to Dallas so that Bronson could sleep in his own bed for Christmas. This was the first year that we experienced the excitement of Santa and Bronson had a hard time getting to sleep. He kept "hearing bells" and looking out the window to see if Santa was flying by. Prior to Christmas Eve night he had been wearing his elf ears and hat and dreaming about visiting the North Pole in his hand-made plane with a Corvette engine. Kyle had been reading him a book from when he was little and the story must have made it to his dreams.

Christmas on Bronson's patio

Cleaning guns with the guys

Table before the olive incident

Cutie Pie

Deets Family Christmas Day 2011

Bronson woke up around 7am on Christmas morning and came down the stairs to find that Santa had visited and left him a work bench and leaf blower. He is so sweet and took a quick break to go and get his BBQ that Auntie Lex had gotten him so that he could set up his patio and fix us a Christmas steak. I love the fact that I sleep the last few hours of the morning on the couch so that I can capture these expressions on my video camera. He is so adorable!

We took our time opening gifts with our family and then headed down to Kyle's parents. This year the majority of the gifts were for Bronson because Kyle and I were both spoiled by his parents prior to Christmas when they purchased us a sleep number bed. We had a great time with Kyle's parents and Uncle Chris. Ann made us an amazing dinner that was briefly interrupted by a choking incident and projectile vomiting all in front of the Christmas dinner by Bronson. As we later said it will be a dinner that we will never forget. The guys had lots of fun catching up and cleaning guns. It was a great quiet Christmas! It seems that with children each year of Christmas just gets better. The only thing that would have made this Christmas perfect is if we were able to attend church, but once again our little guy was a little under the weather on Christmas so we had to stay home. I will never forget Christmas 2011 as the year of firsts for many things!

Christmas through Bronson's eyes

2011-12-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

I made the ~~mistake~~ opportunity to take Bronson Christmas shopping with me on Saturday and what would you know the following conversation happened when we got home.

Bronson: Daddy. we got you a brand new fresh tire for Christmas. You will love it! (I guess I forgot to mention that we don't tell Daddy what his presents are)

Bronson woke up on Sunday morning and came into our bedroom. Every morning he keeps asking if it is Christmas yet. This morning he told Kyle that he had the following dream. He flew to the North Pole in a plane that he had built, but it was a REALLY cool plan that had a Corvette engine and a choke that he had to pull to make it go. Apparently playing "Elf" all the time is making his dreams have a Christmas mission too. He is so excited for Christmas!

Yes, it sounds like our stories are mostly about presents and Santa, but without drilling it into my son's head he also is very aware of the meaning of Christmas. Some recent conversations that we have had in the car have solidified that we are bringing our son up with love in his heart for Jesus.

Bronson: Can God see us all the time?

Me: Yes, of course

Bronson: Where is he?

Me: Everywhere

Bronson: You are right mommy. I can see heaven right there as he points specifically to the sky. It is so beautiful.

I then heard him reciting the order of birthdays in our house and he says, first comes Olivia's, then baby Jesus, and then December 28th, my birthday. After he does this little countdown he says if it is baby Jesus' birthday does he need presents too? As he pauses he says no, all he wants is to love us and us to love Him.

Memory Snapshots

2011-12-09T12:50:00.000-08:00

Ashley (Christmas 2010)

Yesterday I attended a funeral of a young woman that went to my church. It was a beautiful celebration of life that reminded me of what legacy we would like to live on beyond our short lives here on earth. This woman made such an impact on so many with her love and desire to live for Jesus Christ. After the funeral I packed my little boy up and went to spend the day with my baby sister who is doing quite well by the way. My sister is such a remarkably beautiful person inside and out. When I watch her with her little boy I find myself taking mental memory snapshots. I don't take nearly the amount of pictures that I did with Olivia and Bronson. I feel myself savoring each and every little moment with my sister Ash and her son.

This month she will be moving (only 3 hours away), but still far enough away that I can't just drop whatever I am doing and spend the afternoon with her. I am beyond happy for these days that we get to catch up and laugh together at our inside jokes. Cancer has taken away our ability to not be scared about the future. The two of us can openly talk about our inside fears and inabilities to go into the next CT-Scan without thinking about the what if's. Never for a moment will any of us take for granted the health of our family members. I will never forget August 10th as the day that took my breath away. I seriously thought that we would be sent home with a plan for a minor hernia/mass surgery, nothing like cancer.

I am working like crazy to remain neutral in my feelings towards this battle. I try not to let my emotions get the best of me as I think about what could have happened during that 12 hour surgical battle. I am so grateful that the good Lord provided my little sister more time here on earth. I am also reminded often that sometimes our plans and God's plans might be completely different and that I have to trust the Lord that he will provide answers to His will. No one will ever begin to understand why some people don't win their fights with cancer.

I marked a special day in my 2012 calendar a few days ago. I marked "1 YEAR CANCER FREE" on September 8th. I plan to take tangible pictures of my sister on that day so that we can look back years from now and remember this as just a bump in the road. I know without a doubt that God is using this journey to add to my sister's testimony. I also know that it has caused her to become more patient, love more, and realize what is important in life. I also realize that it has caused me to become even more sentimental if that was even a possibility.

Christmas Wishes 2011

2011-12-07T12:31:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas Family and Friends-

Our family hopes that these Christmas wishes extend to your entire family. This year we have fought battles that we never thought we would fight and have had abundant prayers answered. I am so thankful that I get the opportunity to spend my nephew's 1st Christmas with him. Even more praise worthy is that his mommy will be there to cheer him on. Life has a way of making you focus on the things that are important and I have been reminded more than once this year that what is most important is my family and relationships; especially with our Lord above.

Our little man will turn 4 this month and has continued to amaze us with his wonderful personality and ability to make others laugh. If we lived in LA I think he would be earning us millions with his uncanny ability to do stand up comedy. This child has the best personality of any little human being I have ever had the chance to know. In my heart I know that being a work outside of the home mommy suits me, but I do find myself thinking about him all day and looking forward to picking him up just so I can snuggle him and see what great conversations we will have that night.

Kyle is going on 9 months with his new position. He loves being the Director of Disability Services and Workoptions at Catholic Community Services. It is a very stressful job, but with the stress comes lots of opportunities to learn and be challenged. I am so proud of his decision to make this change and feel more than blessed with the opportunities it has allowed our family.

I just finished my first term of teaching at Western Oregon University. I still do my full-time position in the Graduate Office; however this part time teaching position has really allowed me to tap into one of my passions. I had a great group of students this term that taught me as much as I hope I was able to teach them. It was a great surprise to have more than 60% of my students arrive at their final presentations dressed professional and really see that they had taken their final projects seriously. I will be using all of their encouraging feedback to make my class even better for next term.

We as a family hope that 2012 brings better news and more answered prayers. My sister will continue to get her CT's through out the year and we hope to celebrate a one year free of cancer in September of next year. As our family continues to pour our extra time into raising awareness of prematurity through our involvement with March of Dimes, we will also not forget the other mission to CURE CANCER. If you set new year's resolutions possibly you can think about involving yourself in some community services or other non-profit organizations to support or raise funds for their missions.

Merry Christmas~

Amber Deets

http://www.facebook.com/deetsangels
http://www.marchforbabies.org/amberdeets

Las Vegas

2011-12-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

Kyle and I got a much needed work vacation this past month! It is hard to believe that it is the first time that the two of us have left the state of Oregon since we said, "I do" nearly 8 years ago. I was going to Vegas for a work conference so Kyle and his best friend Jim tagged along with me. We had a ton of fun, but don't think unless we have a very special event it is on our list of repeat vacations. I had a great time looking at all of the amazing architecture and of course enjoyed the nice meals. The best part of the vacation was having uninterrupted adult conversation with my husband. After 8 years my husband still rocks my world and keeps me on my toes. Jim, Kyle, and I saw everything that we hoped to see on our short trip with the minor exception of the inside of the Pawn Stars location. I did manage to get a quick picture as our bus drove past, but it wasn't on my list of priorities for the trip. Kyle's highlight of the trip was the roller coaster ride at New York, New York and getting a real coin jackpot down on Freemont Street. Our next planned vacation is this next fall. The two of us are going to stay in San Diego. I was lucky enough to be sent there this past July and really think that my honey would enjoy it with me.

World Prematurity Day

2011-11-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

Can you spot the preemie?

A brand new life-style change has happened to me this year. I don’t carry hand sanitizer everywhere I go. I have even actually let Bronson eat food directly off of restaurant tables without agonizing the exact moment that he would become sick. last year One of the many reasons that I am more relaxed about germs is because my son underwent a life changing ear surgery this past year, but I also feel that the more time goes by the more that the fear of sickness and yes even death becomes more disconnected from my worries. I have to admit that until Bronson was nearly 3 years old I constantly fretted over when the shoe would drop. I worried constantly that he might acquire some unknown germ that would land him in the hospital. When doctors would even suggest that something might be wrong with him I wanted to wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him for dear life. I lived in a constant state of agony of not wanting him to get something, but not wanting him to grow up in a bubble.

I know that some of my friends felt it was funny to refer to me as a “germ-freak” or “overly-protective;” however until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes these remarks are only hurtful. Having your child immediately whisked away from the delivery room and spending the next 60 days in the NICU makes an impact so deep in your heart that it truly takes years before the dull ache of that loss can be dealt with without bringing one to their knees. I believe that my year has come. I am not for minute going to tell you that I am over my experience in the NICU. Smells, words, and even some sights can bring me directly back to certain moments of time; however, it is easier. God has provided me with such great mercy and allowed me to use this as part of my testimony to help others that are experiencing the NICU.

Mere weeks ago I received a text that literally shook me to the core. My good friend’s cousin was being admitted to the hospital at barely 25 weeks pregnant. A million emotions went through my body and realizing that I was incapable of doing any tangible thing, I began to pray. I asked my other friends to join me in this prayer circle and the positive news that we began to receive kept pouring in. We realized a day later that the gestation was actually 27 weeks and that the water breaking was actually a slow leak. This remarkable woman was able to keep her little baby in for an additional nearly 7 weeks and gave birth at 33 weeks to a VERY healthy preemie. Her little girl is doing amazingly well and expected to spend about 2 weeks in the NICU. We prayed for no time in the NICU, but God had different plans. I believe firmly that God has provided an opportunity for this mommy to join the ranks so that she can offer her testimony to others that might experience the fear, shock, and unknown while being on bed-rest and later in the NICU.

Bronson’s story is one of encouragement. Despite his hard start into this world, we are beyond blessed that our 2 pound miracle has defied all odds and has no long-term effects from his prematurity. Not all parents are as lucky. Some of Bronson’s “pod-mates” suffer from long-term breathing problems, learning disabilities, and even in some cases severe medical and physical disabilities. Not a single one of these mommies would trade their kiddos for the world, but parenting a child with disabilities does have many aspects that no one thinks about when they share the happy news of their pregnancies. I choose to be an advocate and supporter of organizations such as March of Dimes so that fewer parents have to leave the hospital without their baby. I love the doctors and nurses at Sacred Heart, but our mission is not to provide them with job security.

I recently had a friend from high school ask me how she could help support the mission. There are several ways that you can help:

Donate to March of Dimes

Make a craft or card for parents in the NICU (We do NICU Christmas bags every year and deliver them to the parents in the NICU and also to the moms on bed rest)
Raise awareness by sharing your story. Healthy full-term stories are also encouraged. “Every baby has a story.”
Personally ask your friend that has experienced the NICU, loss, or prematurity what you can do. Sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear.
Most importantly, pray daily for the parents of the NICU or the women laying in hospitals all over the world on bed rest.

I am very thankful that God is providing me with peace. I will continue to use this experience to spread the mission of March of Dimes and to advocate for prenatal care. I am also thankful that I chose to be faithful to God and let my son out of his bubble just slightly.

Almost 4...

2011-10-15T22:47:00.000-07:00

In just a little over 2 months my son will be 4. I notice that Kyle and I are beginning to answer the question of Bronson's age with "almost 4". The age of 4 is a really big deal to me because at this age is when I have my first of many childhood memories. At the age of 4 was also my biggest life change; the divorce of my parents. I think often of what I was able to process at that young of an age and I realize that many of the conversations that I am now having with my little boy may be conversations that he remembers for life. I find myself having pretty deep and meaningful conversations with my little boy who seems to be growing up right before my eyes. It is hard to imagine that just four years ago he could literally fit into the palm of our hands.

I love Bronson so much that sometimes I feel that my heart could literally burst at the seams. His personality has the best combination of intellect, sense of humor, and compassion of any one person in my life. He has such a deep awareness of the world around him and never ceases to amaze me with the conversations that he is capable of having. Often I find myself expecting more of him than might be possible because he is such a smart little boy. Just this week he recited his first book, The Tooth Book all the way through word for word. When I told him that my voice was gone tonight for story time he politely responded by saying, "Don't worry mommy, I will read to you." I wish I could wrap just a piece of his sweetness into a box to open whenever I am feeling sad or lonely.

As I put Bronson to bed tonight we had a rather deep conversation. He asked me what makes me happy. He told me that I keep him in a good mood. He asked if he makes me happy. I told him that he always brings me joy! He then wanted to know if he had a sister somewhere because he would really like to have a sister. He then proceeded to tell me for Christmas that he would like a sister, a helmet, a motorcycle and a new bible. He said that he wanted to be a big brother and needed to learn how to read after Christmas so that he could read his whole bible. His desire to learn about God delights me more than I thought possible.

For the next couple of months I am going to cherish my 3 year old and continue to relish the possible conversations that we can have. I hope that bedtimes provide Kyle and I with plenty of opportunities to share Bible stories with Bronson and our love of each other and our family. I don't know if Bronson will continue to ask for a sibling for Christmas. Last year he kept asking for a brother, but he told me that Oaklen was "close enough." Unless one of my sisters wants to have a little girl I think that my kiddo is going to keep asking for a sibling. What a sweet sweet boy who has no clue of the battle that goes on in my heart when he asks for such things.

Turning 30...

2011-10-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

My favorite picture of the evening, Ashley was really worried I had turned CRAZY!!!

Theme

Jim and I (He is one of my very best friends)

Me with the love of my life...(Doesn't he have an amazing smile?)

From left to right: Austin, Alexis, Me, Ashley and our brother James

September was a very busy month for many reasons, but for one of the more celebrated reasons I turned 30 on the 12th. We knew ahead of time that we needed to throw the birthday bash on Labor Day in order for people to be able to make it and turned out that it provided us an opportunity to have some fun prior to Ashley's surgery date. I was so thankful to have so many of my family and friends there to celebrate the beginning of my 30's. It was also nice to that Labor Day weekend was the first home game of the season for the Beavers. Jim was nice enough to host the party at his house and it was an all out color coordinated event.

On my actual birthday things went really down hill because my little sister was still in the hospital and spent most of the night not feeling well. Kyle started texting me that Bronson was sick and I headed home to spend the day at home with my sick little boy. Fortunately I have some very thoughtful and great friends that brought me over cards, flowers, and goodies. I am so thankful for all of my dear family and friends. So far life is proving to be very great in my thirties!

One of the beautiful arrangements that I received.

Comparison

2011-09-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a difference it makes when a baby comes when they are supposed to. My sister and I are so proud of our miracle babies. They both have defied so many odds to bless us here on Earth. I feel so strongly that these two boys are our biggest blessings beyond the incredible partners that we were also blessed with.

A Hungry Child Can't Wait: Ask 5 for 5

2011-09-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

Guest Blogger: Sarah Lenssen from #Ask5for5

Family photos by Mike Fiechtner Photography

Thank you (insert blog name) and nearly 150 other bloggers from around the world for allowing me to share a story with you today, during Social Media Week.

A hungry child in East Africa can't wait. Her hunger consumes her while we decide if we'll respond and save her life. In Somalia, children are stumbling along for days, even weeks, on dangerous roads and with empty stomachs in search of food and water. Their crops failed for the third year in a row. All their animals died. They lost everything. Thousands are dying along the road before they find help in refugee camps.

At my house, when my three children are hungry, they wait minutes for food, maybe an hour if dinner is approaching. Children affected by the food crisis in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Somalia aren't so lucky. Did you know that the worst drought in 60 years is ravaging whole countries right now, as you read this? Famine, a term not used lightly, has been declared in Somalia. This is the world's first famine in 20 years.12.4 million people are in need of emergency assistance and over 29,000 children have died in the last three months alone. A child is dying every 5 minutes. It it estimated that 750,000 people could die before this famine is over. Take a moment and let that settle in.

The media plays a major role in disasters. They have the power to draw the attention of society to respond--or not. Unfortunately, this horrific disaster has become merely a footnote in most national media outlets. News of the U.S. national debt squabble and the latest celebrity's baby bump dominate headlines. That is why I am thrilled that nearly 150 bloggers from all over the world are joining together today to use the power of social media to make their own headlines; to share the urgent need of the almost forgotten with their blog readers. Humans have the capacity to care deeply for those who are suffering, but in a situation like this when the numbers are too huge to grasp and the people so far away, we often feel like the little we can do will be a drop in the ocean, and don't do anything at all.

When news of the famine first hit the news in late July, I selfishly avoided it. I didn't want to read about it or hear about it because I knew I would feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I wanted to protect myself. I knew I would need to do something if I knew what was really happening. You see, this food crisis is personal. I have a 4-year-old son and a 1 yr-old daughter who were adopted from Ethiopia and born in regions now affected by the drought. If my children still lived in their home villages, they would be two of the 12.4 million. My children: extremely hungry and malnourished? Gulp. I think any one of us would do anything we could for our hungry child. But would you do something for another mother's hungry child?

My friend and World Vision staffer, Jon Warren, was recently in Dadaab Refugee Camp in Kenya--the largest refugee camp in the world with over 400,000 people. He told me the story of Isnino Siyat, 22, a mother who walked for 10 days and nights with her husband, 1 yr-old-baby, Suleiman, and 4 yr.-old son Adan Hussein, fleeing the drought in Somalia. When she arrived at Dadaab, she built the family a shelter with borrowed materials while carrying her baby on her back. Even her dress is borrowed. As she sat in the shelter on her second night in camp she told Jon, "I left because of hunger. It is a very horrible drought which finished both our livestock and our farm." The family lost their 5 cows and 10 goats one by one over 3 months, as grazing lands dried up. "We don't have enough food now...our food is finished. I am really worried about the future of my children and myself if the situation continues."

Will you help a child like Baby Suleiman? Ask5for5 is a dream built upon the belief that you will.

That something I knew I would need to do became a campaign called #Ask5for5 to raise awareness and funds for famine and drought victims. The concept is simple, give $5 and ask five of your friends to give $5, and then they each ask five of their friends to give $5 and so on--in nine generations of 5x5x5...we could raise $2.4 Million! In one month, over 750 people have donated over $25,000! I set up a fundraiser at See Your Impact and 100% of the funds will go to World Vision, an organization that has been fighting hunger in the Horn of Africa for decades and will continue long after this famine has ended. Donations can multiply up to 5 times in impact by government grants to
help provide emergency food, clean water, agricultural support,
healthcare, and other vital assistance to children and families suffering in the Horn.

I need you to help me save lives. It's so so simple; here's what you need to do:

Donate $5 or more on this page (http://seeyourimpact.org/members/ask5for5)
Send an email to your friends and ask them to join us.
Share #Ask5for5 on Facebook and Twitter!

I'm looking for another 100 bloggers to share this post on their blogs throughout Social Media Week. Email me at ask5for5@gmail.com if you're interested in participating this week.

A hungry child doesn't wait. She doesn't wait for us to finish the other things on our to-do list, or get to it next month when we might have a little more money to give. She doesn't wait for us to decide if she's important enough to deserve a response. She will only wait as long as her weakened little body will hold on...please respond now and help save her life. Ask 5 for 5.

Thank you on behalf of all of those who will be helped--you are saving lives and changing history.

p.s. Please don't move on to the next website before you donate and email your friends right now. It only takes 5 minutes and just $5, and if you're life is busy like mine, you probably won't get back to it later. Let's not be a generation that ignores hundreds of thousands of starving people, instead let's leave a legacy of compassion. You have the opportunity to save a life today!

Answered Prayers

2011-09-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to update in awhile, but wanted all of my readers to hear the GREAT news. My sister is cancer free! All of the possibilities that she faced were surpassed with better things. Other than a missing gall bladder, minor restructure of her bile duct, and some missing tiny veins her 12 hour surgery left very little missing. My sister also only spent barely 2 days in the ICU. Only 8 days later she is home and able to go back to being a full-time mommy. She still requires people to help her with Oaklen, as his 17 pounds of cuteness is a little heavy for her recovering body, but she is doing so well.

The day that I found out that my sister had cancer I felt like the floor had fallen out from underneath me. After I took my hour to really cry I began to pray and ask others to do the same. I instantly prayed that God would use this experience to glorify Him and to draw people in my life, including family members closer to God. I have been witness to several people that have been touched by my sister's brave and courageous soul throughout this past 29 days. She is a miracle thanks to all the prayers sent to God on her behalf. Thank you Lord for guiding the hands of her doctors, for allowing her little boy to go about this month unfazed by the stress around him, for giving my sister an amazing husband that loves her abundantly, and more importantly Lord for drawing us all closer to You.

I hate football

2011-09-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Bronson woke up from his nap today and had the following conversation with me:

"Mommy, you are not a Beaver's fan. You are a duck's fan."

Me: No, I am not Bronson. Will you go to the football game with me in a few weeks?

Bronson: No mommy! I hate football and don't want to ever go to a game.

Great, I was really hoping to have a little football buddy, but apparently he hates football. He says that he loves soccer and baseball, but will NEVER like football.

Oh well, I think that this daddy may be coming around.

Ten Years Later

2011-09-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

It was the eve before I turned 20. My mother in law woke me up (I was living with them while I attended college). She said I think that we are about to watch history unfold before our eyes. I remember being glued to the TV for the remainder of the day and crying with others at the loss of our nation feeling secure. So many people were forever changed that day.

As I write this post tonight it seems a little surreal that I would not be teaching in two weeks if 9/11 did not happen. My entire course focuses on homeland security and has several weeks of intense over view of the results of 9/11. I watched a tv program the other night of a high school on the east coast that gives their students the opportunity to learn this as their focus area in high school. In my teens we as a nation didn't worry about terrorist threats or our security, now kids grow up knowing about the attack of our nation.

In a personal sense this day was a foreshadowing of the decade of my twenties. I turned 20 the day after and I remember a lady asking me if I even felt like celebrating when the world was ending. I am faced with this same challenge tomorrow, is the day I turn 30 worth celebrating while my baby sister sits on the oncology floor of the Kohler Pavilion at OHSU? If I have learned anything in the last 10 years it is that to live each day as if it were your last. Along with the many trials that our family has faced the past ten years, we have been completely blessed.

I don't think that a single victim of the terrorist attacks knew that it would be their last day when they left that day. As I have spent time talking to my sister she states that she never wants to waste a single day of her life. We have so few to begin with that we should value each and every one of them. God has blessed us so tremendously with the results of Ashley's surgery and I believe without a doubt that we will continue to see answers to prayers. To start this next decade of my life I am going to set some life goals:

1. Love God more and be more purposeful in my relationship with him
2. Make sure that those in my life never doubt my love for them
3. Live each day to it's fullest
4. Be healthier
5. Be the friend that I want to have
6. Hug more, laugh more, and stress less
7. Final goal...get my Phd before I turn 40

I believe when you let the your goals remain out there it makes you work harder to achieve them.

Cancer Sucks

2011-08-31T15:49:00.000-07:00

Ashley last August before we knew that Mr. Oaklen was onboard

This month has been rough. August 10th forever has changed my life. My baby sister that has always been a part of my life as far as I can remember was diagnosed with cancer. Through out this month I have seen examples of her strength and courage as she faces the unknown. I have shared hugs, tears, and laughs as we talk about all of the different aspects of her surgery and upcoming fight. One person that has reminded me on more than one occasion that everything happens for a reason has been my amazing little boy. On the day after I found out that Ashley was "sick" I had a very profound conversation with Bronson.

Putting Bronson on the dryer to get his shoes on I asked him to please try to be good and respectful for the day because mommy was quite sad, here is the conversation that followed:

Bronson: Mommy, why are you sad?
Me: She She is sick
Bronson: Did she die? (I literally shuttered when he asked this)
Me: No baby, she is just very sick. We need to pray for her
Bronson: Mommy, I already prayed for her last night and she will be fine, but you want to know what? I have a brother that lives in heaven and I am fine with that too.

My son just gave the quick synopsis of his life in that profound statement and helped me to realize that none of us know God's plans, but we have to believe that He knows and loves us and will take care of us. Some may question why our son already knows about his brother, but we have always felt that Bronson needs to be brought up knowing his story/testimony and the awesome power of prayer that helped him to survive. My little man is a fighter and believes more than anything that his "She She" will be fine. As a family we have been spending a lot of time praying together and I cherish every moment that I hear my little child of faith pray to God to ask him for help for his She She or to thank Him for his brother.

August 2011

2011-08-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

This month has been extremely busy. I think that next year we are going to maximize time spent at home during the summer rather than spend so many weekends away from home. I am not complaining about the wonderful opportunities we have had, but literally every single weekend we have been gone.

The beginning of August my mom treated all of us girls and our kiddos to a weekend at the Beach. It was pretty nice despite my baby sister not feeling well the majority of the time. The highlights were time spent playing on the beach while Oaklen took a nap with the ocean in the background and a long day at the pool.

The following weekend we went to Family Camp for Grace Community Church. As always it was a wonderful time and it was nice to catch up with so many people as we have been busy and gone pretty much every weekend this summer. I love the young women that have became such a strong presence in Bronson's life. It is nice to know that I have wonderful people that can help me with Bronson.

Last weekend Kyle and I left Bronson at Ann and Bill's and headed to Sunriver with our friends, Jim and Michelle. It was a very crazy and busy weekend. We participated in several first opportunities including hiking Paulina Lake to try to find natural waterslides, swimming in waterfalls (Jim and Kyle), and a very long river float trip. It was beautiful over there and even though I have more bug bites than I care to count it was a great weekend away.

This weekend is our weekend to celebrate the anniversary of my in-laws. They have been married for 35 years and asked to celebrate by spending the weekend at the beach with us (their family). It will be nice to go away with them for the weekend and have a chance to catch up. It also means that Bronson gets more time at the beach which is his #1 favorite activity.

I have spent this month thinking a lot. It has been a time in my life that I will never forget. Honestly, I don't think that anyone imagines watching their baby sister be diagnosed with cancer. The biggest thing that it has reminded me is that don't take a single day in your life for granted. Hug more, listen more, and of course love more. Also always make sure that you go to bed each night right with not only God, but those loved ones in your life.

Oaklen and Bronson after a long day at the coast

Olivia and Bronson after playing outside at the beach

The boys that have captured my entire heart

Olivia and Bronson playing at our most sacred spot on the beach

Sisters at Nye Beach

Bronson doing a dance outside the girl's tent (Family Camp)

Bronson with Lily and Alex at NICU Reunion

Bronson with his new style at the Abby's Pizza Car Show

Daddy and Bronson at Car Show

Kyle and I in Sunriver

Jim and I in Sunriver

Pulling Your Hair Out?

2011-08-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

There are times in the life of a mommy that you truly want to pull your hair out. This morning was one of the times that I could have easily drove to work without all the detours of a demanding three year old and his latest grumpiness. He takes after his father in the way of not being a morning person, but I seriously ask for a little break of his bad morning moods.

All of these terrible mornings are all too soon forgotten when my son's little kiddo hands reach up for my face in the evening hours to let me know that, "I am gorgeous and his lovey." He has a great sweet side; just wish that it would come out when I needed it to in the morning?

The grumpy face

Do you find yourself stressed out in the mornings when you are getting ready for work? I would love to hear suggestions from other working outside of the home mommies. I lay out his clothes the night before, wait until the last possible minute to get him dressed, and don't do too much talking; however 9 out of 10 times I find myself irritated at his sleepy and whiny behavior.

My Amazing Sister, Ashley

2011-08-23T16:17:00.000-07:00

My sister's #1 calling in life has been to be a mommy. She exudes such strength, happiness, and patience when it comes to the love of being a mother. I am beyond proud of her and hesitate to try to minimize my respect for her in words. On August 10th our life was rattled when we learned that my baby sister (age 28) has cancer. She is keeping such a positive outlook on the entire situation and gave me her mantra today...feed the Faith, starve the fears. I will continue to be amazed at my little sister than once aspired to be a professional boxer (age 2) and has always had a fierce capability to fight whatever comes her way.

New Personal Decisions

2011-07-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog it was to create a timeline of events in regards to my pregnancy. Since then it has become my online journal for Bronson as he has blossomed into a wonderful little boy. More recently I went out on a limb and decided to journal about my personal relationship with my dad. I have given it some final thought and decided to delete those posts. I am still not ashamed as it has nothing to do with me, but thought it is better to keep this off of my blog that has anything to do with my sweet little boy.

Busy July

2011-07-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

As I uploaded several pictures to my facebook yesterday I realized that we have already had a very busy month. Including our 4th of July celebration at the Fery Farm, we were able to spend time with our family, go to Gilbert House, and enjoy several evenings watching Bronson at swimming lessons. Bronson is blossoming into such a bright and cheerful little boy. He has the best sense of humor and I find myself laughing at not only his funny sayings, but the way that he chooses to express himself through dance, play, or conversation. He has the best facial expressions when he tells a story. Instead of pulling out the camera for every cute face I find myself trying to take mental snapshots of his adorable faces. I pull these images to the surface when he has his bad days, which come sometimes more than I would like due to his strong will and determination. I remind myself often that his personality is part of the reason he is here today. From day one he has had a strong determination for life. He now adds to this his exceptional bargaining skills for all sorts of things.

Most recently his sweet self was surprised by his Papa and Yaya with a motorized vehicle. He was so thankful for the gift that he didn't know how to respond. After realizing that the gift was in fact intended for him he hoped right in and took off. I know that in 13 short years I will be watching him take off down the driveway in a real car, I just wish it didn't go by so fast. Kyle and I often find ourselves watching him and wondering where our tiny baby is. He has passed right through the baby/toddler stage and is officially a little boy. I am so thankful for his sweet spirit.

Some recent conversations with Bronson:

Bronson: "My favorite park is the Birch Street Park. They have swings and tater tots."

Bronson: "You are gorgeous and sweet too."

Bronson: "When I grow up I am going to have 49 kids and I will probably just marry you." (referring to me his mommy)

While watching a movie he turns to me and states that when he grows up he is going to have a little sister and he will be the best big brother ever. We were watching a movie about the relationship between a brother and sister and he had caught on to the concept. He is always processing his next conversation.

Most recently he spends a lot of time reading his "little bible booryk (his pronunciation)" and states and God says, I will keep you safe and cover your eyes when you are scared.

Relaxing in his new car

Visiting the Gilbert House with cousin Olivia

Philomath Car Show 2011

He woke up from nap and saw this!!!!

Relaxing in the river with Auntie Jill and Abbygail

I LOVE this face

Twins

2011-06-10T10:19:00.000-07:00


Very similar picture was sent to me via text by sister Ashley after she found out I was having twin boys, replaced by picture of Bronson right after he was born.

From the moment that I found I was expecting identical twin boys until the day they were born I bore the above picture on my cellphone. It was my reminder that I was a mommy of twins. While I was pregnant I remained a mommy of twins. Once Bronson and Jackson were born I became the mommy of Bronson. Several people close to me still would make comments about Jackson, however it also became a taboo subject to many. I will never forget when my mom openly admitted that she had to leave Target shortly after my boys were born because she lost it in the isle after seeing a mommy and obviously the grandmother carry around two little baby boys. I was so thankful that my mom shared this story with me because it allowed me to share an ounce of what I was feeling. I longed to be the mommy holding two baby boys.

I read a blog today that captured something I feel. "I believe you have two options when you lose someone. You can give up living and merely survive, or you can grow strong in the memory of the child you loved, and live a life to make them proud. I chose to live." It doesn't mean that I still don't get that heavy feeling in my heart when I see a mommy with two identical twin boys. For some reason my heart strings aren't pulled entirely the same way when it is girls or one of each. I am also at a point in my loss process that I get excited and can share in the celebration with a friend when they announce their recent pregnancy with twins. I get even more excited when I learn they are fraternal (meaning less chance of early delivery).

This thought has been coming to the surface more often lately because our dear "only child" has been saying on a daily basis that he "needs a baby brother." The expression almost seems rehearsed and I wonder if he has heard a relative or well meaning family friend say it a time or two. I struggle with a sense of loss when he brings this up. I wonder if we will be doing him a disservice if we decide to be done with one. Will his loss be felt even more if we don't have any other children? I read another blog from a mom of twin girls who felt the need to immediately get pregnant to have a sibling for her surviving twin. I have never felt ready to have another child and lately more and more the idea of having only one child seems complete. Kyle and I love being parents, but among it's blessing also comes many trials.

I believe strongly that following God's direction will answer this question for us when it is the right time. For now I will continue to focus on being the best mommy that I can be to Bronson.

Very Controversial: Two Separate Issues

2011-06-08T16:32:00.000-07:00

http://ckgrover.blogspot.com/2011/06/soap-box.html

http://www.parenting.com/article/vaccines-fact-and-fiction

I have written down several versions of this post and erased it. I feel that every parent has the right to choose their child's health path; including the right to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Out of the last 6 months that I volunteered in the 3 year old class at church, my son only attended 6 times. My son is immunized so I do not worry about the stuff that he has been protected from, but I worry about others thinking that diseases such as measles do not exist. When I read this post from one of my favorite blogs today it made me realize how scary these things can be. I too worried constantly while my sister was pregnant that I would be exposed to something extremely harmful from my involvement with little kids. Two things that I want to state:

Make sure you are educated about the true risks and benefits of immunizations.
Know the difference between contagious and non-contagious childhood illness.

Recent myth that was laid to rest: Croup is contagious! Do not bring your child to church or childcare with a fever.

Kyle and I did not have the right to decide whether or not Bronson would be immunized. He was not even 5 lbs when he received his 6 weeks shots. I am now very thankful that I didn't have to agonize about the decision, but very thankful that my son never contracted RSV or other very serious illnesses due to his vaccinations. He was one of the few children that received Synagis because of being a preemie. This shot reduces the risks greatly of your child contracted sometimes fatal RSV.

I will now get off my germaphobe soap box. I am so thankful that it seems that Bronson's ENT surgery has really helped him with chronic sickness, but I don't think a day will ever change when I don't worry about all the creepy germs that are floating around.

Credits to Kyle

2011-06-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

I know that it is normal for parents to think that their children are the smartest children ever created. I happen to be one of those parents that at times thinks that my son is a genius. I realize lately that at three years old my son already knows things that I don't know anything about. I can't take credit for these developmental milestones, because it is because the way that his daddy teaches him things every night that he already knows the brands of several vacuums and can decipher what type of vacuum system. If I choose to use the wrong word to describe one of his treasured vacuums he will make sure that I know that it is a canister, not a bagless vacuum. Last night as I put him to bed he started telling me that his dream is to own a Kirby. He said that he already has a Bissell, Dyson, and Dirt Devil, but would really like to have a Kirby. His talents are all compliments of daddy letting him watch YouTube videos about vacuums over and over again!

Sweet Conversation

2011-05-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

Tucking Bronson into bed last night we went through the normal routine of conversational topics and then he suddenly he begin to compliment me.

Bronson: "Mommy, you are cute. What does cute mean."

Me: "Cute means that you look good."

Bronson: "Mommy, you look really good. You are pretty and cool and very cute."

Me: "Thank you Bronson. I love you."

Bronson: "I love you and I love your face."

He rolled over and fell asleep. Nothing like the sweet words of a three year old to make your heart melt.

My sweet little boy and me on Mother's Day

Oaklen McCrae Sult: Update

2011-05-06T11:55:00.000-07:00

My nephew is gorgeous! My sister had a little photo shoot for her family yesterday and had great results. Please visit Dolce Photography! She also did her maternity pictures. I am so in love with my sweet little nephew. He has the greatest expressions and I love the way that the veil of heaven is so close with newborns.

Auntie Amber

2011-05-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

Auntie Amber with Olivia Brooke

Auntie Sunshine with Mia

She loves all of her aunties

All of the aunties with Olivia

My two precious kiddos, Colby and Abbygail

I was pregnant and didn't know it...my life began to change...

Auntie Amber with Oaklen McCrae

Before I became a mommy to Bronson I was told on several occasions that there might be a chance that I would never have children of my own. I have shared before that my faithful husband continued to pray and believe that we would be blessed in God's timing. Part of the way that I dealt with this time was to throw myself 100% into spoiling and loving on all of nieces and nephews. I have been very fortunate to claim many little ones as my own. I am very close to several of their mommies and was there for a few of the deliveries. I will never forget the day that my sweet Colby was born. It was a last minute decision for me to be there and I feel so honored that I witnessed something so beautiful as him breathing his first breath. Colby has always had a very special spot in my heart and continues each year to amaze me with the sweet and kind heart that he has. He is also all boy and I love hearing all of his tales about hunting and fishing. I was a very proud auntie to hear of his recent award of top fishermen at a fishing derby. His sister Abbygail also never ceases to make my heart warm with her wonderful hugs and phone calls.

Each and everyone of these sweet children in my life were sent here with a purpose. I feel that now that I am a mom to my own child that I have an even stronger purpose for being in their lives. I might not be able to spoil them as much or spend as much time with them, but I am led daily to spend time in prayer for them. I pray that each and everyone of these beautiful children grow into wonderful adults and that they have happy and fulfilled lives. When my sweet Olivia Brooke was born it forever changed me. There is something so entirely cool about watching your little sister become a mom. My niece looks just like her mommy and blesses me so much with her personality. She is such a ball of energy and loves her cousin Bronson beyond words. I love watching Olivia and Bronson together more than I can even describe. Their relationship is such a blessing.

Little Miss Mia nicknamed me at a very young age: Auntie Sunshine. When we finally figured out that she said she did this because she thinks my hair is the color of sunshine it had stuck. Mia is such an adorable little girl and I pray that she grows into a strong and independent woman.

I have so many wonderful little kids in my life. This past week I got to be witness to another miracle as my beautiful sister Ashley gave birth to her adorable son, Oaklen McCrae. He has instantly given me baby fever and I just can't get enough of him.

God had a plan for me. He knew that someday I would become a mommy to a very special boy named Bronson. He also knew that I would be an auntie to many and gave me the purpose to pray and love them. Happy Mother's Day to all of you that may or may not have children. This is a special day to honor the women in our lives that raise all the children including moms, grandmas, and aunties too.

Major Changes

2011-05-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

As I begin to make my life a little less complicated in the following months I have decided to take a more active role in blogging. I enjoy being able to look back on my archives to see how I was feeling or what was going on in our life/family. It is motivating to see how far Bronson has come and the improvements that Kyle and I have been able to make in our parenting styles and personal relationship. I am very blessed and strive to share with others my testimony by example vs. just by talking about it. Our family has experienced many changes this last month and I feel that I am finally ready to take a new personal shift of saying, "NO" way more often. In the past I have felt guilty whenever I haven't been able to volunteer to help for events; both church and personal. I have decided to take this next year to enjoy the few events that I love and say no to the others. These are two promises that I have made to Kyle and myself:

No volunteering for any organizations other than running our family team for March for Babies
No volunteering in classrooms for a full year so that our family can attend church regularly as a family

I am feeling very good about these changes that we have decided to make. Our family needs more time and I need less stress. Life is so good! I don't want stress to be the cause for bad moods, ruined relationships, and overall crankiness on my behalf. Sometimes when your plate is too full you just have to step back and remove some of the junk.

Enjoying time with a great friend

Oaklen McCrae Sult

2011-04-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Baby Boy

The proud parents with Dr. Daskalos (our amazing favorite doctor)

Mommy holding her baby for the 1st time

I am one happy lady. My nephew was born at 11:20 pm on April 25, 2011. He weighs 7 lbs, 10 oz and is 20 inches tall. he is beyond perfect, including a head full of hair. My sister was amazing and handled this 4 hour process like a champ. I am so proud of her!

The Business of Bronson

2011-04-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

My kid is hilarious. Here is some of his recent funny conversations...some may be more funny having been there, but I LOVE this age. 3 is so far my most favorite.

Mommy, there is a difference between motors and engines.
I don't like that lady (pointing to a pregnant lady and looking a little scared)...she stole McCrae. (referring to his cousin) He thinks that all pregnant ladies are carrying the same baby. Kind of a funny concept.
The way that he says fettuccine (it is adorable)
"I LOVE pooping on the toilet."
After a recent trip to the toilet: "Mom, I dropped another snakey one."
Whenever I take him shopping he now says with lots of enthusiasm, "That is the cutest thing I have ever seen." He also loves to pick out clothes for his cousin.
That is the other thing. I love how he calls Olivia cousin or just Libby.
He also asks to hold us all the time and really wants to put his arms around us.

Giving it all you got

2011-04-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

Early years of marriage

Several concepts have been circulating in my head lately. Each time I begin to write a post I decide that it is not that exciting and another week passes before getting all my thoughts out there. This week has been more intense than most. The intensity of this week has been a balance of incredibly powerful changes in my heart and a stress level that is a little beyond manageable. Life is still so good! I don't mean to make this statement shallowly; I just feel blessed. I have realized lately that you get out of life what you put into it. The same statement applies in your personal relationship with Christ. I had been following a path that was rambling about the journey in several different directions, it is nice to have focus.

I have decided to make it my personal goal to complete a few tasks as I balance my life. Following in tradition of my friend Traci, I will list them:

Be the best help-mate that I can be to Kyle: Devote my attention and extra time to making him feel important, special, and wanted. If I am feeling a lack of those things it might be because I am not putting forth enough effort towards the relationship. It makes such a difference in your relationship when you really make the person your #1. In our family it is God first, spouse second, kids third...this isn't always easy, but to make marriage work it must happen. It so helpful to know that Kyle's love language is words of affirmation. I am making a concerted effort towards keeping his "love tank" full. I am tired of taking my wonderful husband for granted and want him to feel valued. I notice how much the difference in jobs for us both has led to a greater daily attitude. Kyle and I both feel passionate about our careers and valued in our positions. It makes such a difference in home life when you also enjoy your career.
Be the best mommy that I can be to Bronson: Take time to model good behavior. This includes showing love towards both Bronson and others. I read a blog this week that made a huge impact on me. It is so important to treat your partner with respect so that your children know respect. Children like to mirror your attitudes and language and it is important to model good behavior for them. The blog writer said that they desired for their children to think of them happy doing whatever they chose to do, whether working or SAHM. I have realized how true this statement is for Bronson's overall behavior. I know that some may think that working moms don't devote their lives enough to their children, but I disagree. I am the best mom I can be to Bronson because I work outside of my home. Bronson is in great care and when I leave him I know that he is loved and well taken care of. I do not work to buy him "better things." I work because I enjoy it and also because sometimes in life it is not possible to survive on one income. Instead of being sad that I work, I need to let my light shine to Bronson. When he knows that I am happy, it makes him feel more secure. He knows that mommy loves her job and that mommy loves him. He knows that if he needs a mommy day I will drop whatever I need to be right there by his side. He also knows that the time that I spend with him at night is quality time. My son is flourishing because he knows that both of us are happy. I would also like to think that he knows how much both of his parents value education and want to see people from all walks of life have the chance to attend college.
Stop being negative: I actually have been using my friend Jill's mantra a lot. Let go, let God. Don't sweat the small stuff. I can't control other people's behavior, only my own. I have become a bit more of a homebody, but I am more happy. It is exhausting trying to please everyone and burning candles at both ends. I enjoy having weekends and evenings that have nothing more planned that hours spent playing and cuddling with my family. I have noticed that it prepares me for a better outlook on life. It is also allows me to take time to count my blessings.

Whatever hand you are dealt in life, embrace it. Life is not supposed to be easy, but I have realized with a little faith it is more blessed.

SuperDad

2011-03-14T14:37:00.000-07:00

A couple of months I nominated my wonderful husband to be Superdad in a magazine. I just got word that he won and will be in the magazine for April/May issue. When I get the link I will post it, but for now I wanted to share what I wrote for the nomination. These are the words of my heart for my husband. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful partner!

My husband is a super dad for many reasons. After nearly 14 years of being with this guy he still rocks my world. We have been through some of the hardest times and he still manages to go through life with a smile and a super tender heart towards our son. In December of 2007 I gave birth to Jackson, stillborn and his twin brother Bronson over 10 weeks early. My husband laid by my bedside for the week that I was in the hospital and drove back and forth to Eugene every single day of the 60 days that Bronson spent in the NICU. His daily reward was the chance to provide kangaroo care for our precious son. I have so many pictures of my husband holding our barely 2 pound boy. When my friends threw me a baby shower while Bronson was still in the hospital, Kyle made a huge deal out of it being the first daddy/son day for them. He bathed him, read to him, and held him the entire day. This man was the model parent for the NICU.

The tasks of my husband since our homecoming have not gone unnoticed. He works extremely hard for our family and provided me the ability to be a part-time stay at home mommy until our son was 18 months old. My son’s best friend in the whole world is his daddy. This man that works out every single night puts his workouts out on hold until after he has bathed, read, and sang our son to sleep every night. They share many special songs that only the two of them know the lyrics. My son even refers to his daddy as the “Big Daddy” and himself as the “sweet child of mine.” These two guys melt my heart.

Kyle’s entire focus is his family. He would do anything in the world for either of us and prides himself in providing a loving and nurturing environment. He does his fair share of sick duty, cleaning, and cuddles. I would love for him to be recognized for the special part that he plays in both of our lives. He provides the solid foundation that I need to be able to work full-time and volunteer. He stands beside me as we both volunteer each year to raise money for March for Babies. He is always the first one to call me from work if he hears that someone needs anything whether it is a meal or just prayer. His heart is super sensitive and he doesn’t go a day without realizing the blessings of our lives and praying for those that have less. My husband is the 100 percent package: looks, personality, and best of all a very kind heart that loves our little boy with every ounce of his fiber.

Bronson's version of Jesus Loves Me

2011-03-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

Due Date

2011-02-28T16:36:00.000-08:00

World's Most Precious Picture (despite my appearance) Holding Bronson the 1st time 12-28-07

Bronson arrives home 2-26-08

The past few days have went by in a whirlwind. The dates haven't gone unnoticed, but we did manage to pass Bronson's homecoming anniversary without much fanfare. Bronson has officially been home for 3 years. It seems forever ago that we celebrated his 3rd birthday. This feeling of forever is a fraction of how it felt when he spent 60 days in the NICU after being born. I am so thankful today that I have a healthy and thriving little boy. I know that there are many families today that aren't able to celebrate their successful NICU stories. I walk for March for Babies because I believe in their mission. I want EVERY baby to be born healthy. No parent should have to leave the hospital empty handed. February 29, 2008 was my original due date. After discovering that I was pregnant with twins they changed the due date to March 3, 2008. These dates still bring a little smile to my face because it was a day that I looked forward to. While I was pregnant I pictured Kyle and I carrying two infant seats out the hospital. No mom intends or imagines having a preemie, but once you do it is hard to imagine the dream of a healthy baby being born. Help me with my March for Babies on April 30, 2011 by donating online at: www.marchforbabies.org/amberdeets or www.marchforbabies.org/bronsondeets

Photograph Friday

2011-02-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

Family Beach Trip

Bronson got a big boy bed

Bronson riding his bike with someone's sunglasses

1st time helping Daddy with the Corvette

Inside sleepover to celebrate potty training

1st ribs...yummy

I love our Saturday family trips

Bronson and Ayden at Papa's Pizza

Homemade...trying out at least 2 new recipes per month

Posing with She She at 24 weeks

March of Dimes Greater Oregon Chaper - March for Babies (2011)

2011-02-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

Operation Facebook

2011-02-18T12:06:00.000-08:00

I am like millions of other users of facebook and make nearly daily updates to my facebook page. I try as much as possible not to post things that would embarrass my son at later dates, but sometimes I can't help myself from posting things that really crack me up. This past week I posted an update about being woken up at 3am in the morning proceeded by an update that stated, "After thinking that we were raising a child with secret genius skills, Bronson decided to poop on the floor." This comment caused some major laughs and very funny comments. The very next day Bronson decided that he needed to make some life changes. His She She had talked to him about the importance of being a big boy and that big boys did not poop or pee in diapers. He left for school the next morning and stayed dry all day. When I came to pick him up he decided it was finally time to earn his remote control "helitalker" and poop in the toilet. He has been dry ever since including night time.

I asked Bronson if telling hundreds of people that he had pooped on the floor had embarrassed him and he appropriate 3 year old was response was, "I just leaked all over the floor." I guess that in my mind the putting it out there might have caused some prayers which led to Bronson's stubborn behavior about potty training turning a new leaf. Potty training has been the most stressful parenting task so far. Sometimes it feels easier to just change a diaper, but I am so excited for this new chapter in my life.

The night that Bronson earned his new "helitalker," he said some of the funniest things:

Mommy, do I just drive you crazy?
Mommy, you just made me laugh so hard. (After I crashed his plane.)
Good things are happening to me.
I am doing this for She She.

This kid says the funniest things to me. It might not be as funny out of context, but when you hear his sweet little voice say these things it just cracks me up. Last night we had our first outing since going dry and it was a big success. His only issue is that he refuses to use a public toilet to sit down. He requested that I drive him all the way back to Dallas so that he could use the toilet. He needs to get past this, but overall I am beyond proud of my very big boy!

Babbles of Bronson

2011-02-10T13:05:00.000-08:00

Recent conversations with Bronson:

After eating at the buffet and devouring several pieces of shrimp: "I am so tired of eating shrimp. I can't even eat one more."

Fashion advice: "Mommy don't wear your hair that way. I love it down and long."

Praise: "You are the best mommy. I am so happy that you wore your soft pants tonight." He also said that I was wearing pj's just like Uncle Ian on the Chipmunks. I have to admit they did look like his.

Referring to his friends at school: "All my kids were doing so good today. I had a good day too."

Listening to a conversation that Kyle and I were having about an upcoming party: "Mommy, babies don't shower. That is our shower. Don't put the baby in the shower."

His idea for the best day: "I just want to go home snuggle, have you change my diaper, and watch a movie." My response was what part of me changing your diaper makes this a good day. "I really have to poop and don't want to use the toilet." There goes the efforts of him being completely potty trained by 3.

Worst timing moment at the Superbowl party: As we all sat around explaining how much we dislike the bars and other establishments of Corvallis because of their raunchy and inappropriate behavior Bronson chimes in with perfect expression and eyebrows raised, "I want to go there." Soooo not good. He wrapped up this statement with telling us that when he grows up he wants to be just like Uncle Jim because he has really cool vacuums. I don't know why he associates Jim with vacuums, but apparently owning a Dyson makes you very cool.

Life Happens...

2011-02-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

Using the newest technology to see what Bronson would look like if he kept eating too many chicken nuggets.

I realized the other day that my life is going so well and I really have nothing to complain about. Sure there are always some kind of problem going on in one relationship or another, but really God is letting me have a vacation of troubles. This does not hold true for several of my friends right now that are battling the biggest trials of their lives. As I was walking around campus today I realized that God has put me in this vacation mode to complete a big task...PRAYER. I used to be a very strong prayer warrior and could be counted on to spend hours checking off every last prayer request on my list. It is my son Bronson that has recently made me realize that my prayer life is not as strong as it should be. It was his sweet little hand that extended to me the other night and said, "Let us thank Him for this food."

It is so easy to go about life and forget the important things. It is easy to remember Him when we are going through the hard times because we are fully relying on Him. It is a different story when life is just happening and we don't have anything to complain about. When I came to this place during my walk this afternoon I was very humbled. I slowly began to recall all the prayer requests of my friends and distant acquaintances and realized that God wanted me to come to Him in prayer. I needed to take the time to lift each of these requests to Him. Again my son has been such an example to me. Every night after "bork" (his weird way of saying book) time Bronson prayers for everyone on his list. He has recently added a "thank you for Jesus." This little boy would really make his Great Grandma smile. He has such a heart for God. I truly believe what my friend Jamie says that preemies are born with this special attachment to heaven. My little boy has brought this small piece of heaven to me.

I am so thankful that God knows just what I need and exactly how much I can handle. Nearly 4 years after my biggest trial began I can be thankful that it has brought me a new meaning to the reality that God does not give you more than you can handle. I feel at peace that I am at a place in my life right now that I love my job, my little family, and have nothing to complain about.

A Deserving Mommy

2011-01-28T14:38:00.000-08:00

Please vote for my dear friend that could use a pick me up. She has been nominated for a mom makeover, you can visit the website and begin voting on March 14, 2011. Click on the family picture above to visit the Mom Magazine website.

Political Decisions

2011-01-28T09:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was asked to be part of Oregon Citizen's Against the Death Penalty. This request kind of took me by surprise, because until then I didn't really know where I stood on the side of this issue. The person requesting my membership is one of my professors from Grad School and I had taken a course about Criminal Justice issues in his class over 5 years ago. Perhaps in that class my opinion on this issue was very present. I am thinking that since I became a mommy lots of my opinions have changed. I just got done reading a book this past week written by a lawyer, Andrea Lyons. She is nicknamed the "Angel of Death Row." This book had very many statements that really made me think. It has also made me think in regards to how I feel about the death penalty and the way it supports/doesn't support my religious beliefs. She begins her book by quoting a story from the bible in regards to letting some guilty go instead of one innocent killed. This pulls at my heart strings. Jesus died on the cross for my sins, yet the man was perfect.

This post might be a sort of ramble, however, I am hoping that it causes your mind to process a few minor questions. Should we continue to use a criminal justice system and allow them to execute people when the system continues to have many flaws? Is it better for someone to be killed than to live life forever in prison? What would be a just model for someone that killed a member of your family? I just don't know where I stand on this issue.

Another topic of debate that is swimming in my mind this morning is how to tell kids about prisons. Growing up prisons were where my step-dad worked. Scary guys lived there and he kept them from getting out. How do you explain to a kid that someone they love is in prison? How do you explain to them that they can't go and visit there?

Bronson Funnies

2011-01-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

Here is some new stuff that Bronson is doing:

Sings the entire songs of Guns and Roses, "Sweet Child of Mine," complete with the hold out miiiinnnnneee. Knows more than 10 songs of Def Leopard and Guns and Roses. Can sing the entire song that his daddy wrote for him, "I will love you forever." He calls it the always song.
Loves the number 55 for some reason and tries to count there quickly.
Stands up to go pee. Even if it means using a stool to stand that high.
Wants to write his name all the time. He has successfully created his first B.
Any new word that he hears he will tell us is a bad word. I guess he has heard us tell him that words are bad too often. His humor is a little too bathroom related.
Still obsessed with the guitar and vacuum. He requests YouTube videos to watch other little kids play with both of these items. His favorite video is of a German guy singing into the vacuum hose Happy Birthday.
Says that he has a baby in his tummy. He tells us that he is having a girl and She She is having a boy. I wonder what will happen when She She brings home her baby boy.
Tells me every night at dinner that I am cooking so good for him. I love this age and the compliments.
Has declared that he is a duck fan on occasion lately. He even repeats the line, "I am a duck. I love my ducks." Seriously not cool in our house. I know that this makes several of his great uncles and his great grandpa Cookie very happy.

Talks about marrying girls now. He has several girlfriends, including ones that are SEVERAL years older.

Just wanted to document my little cutie. Someone yesterday commented that he no longer has the baby face...he is a full blown kid now. What a compliment. He is sure cute!

Love Dare

2011-01-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

Kyle and I just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. I can't truly tell you if it seems like forever or just a day since we got married. I can honestly say that I spend everyday thanking God that I got to marry my best friend. Kyle completes me. I don't mean this in a mushy way, but a very sincere admission. We are very different people, but I feel that we both try to bring out the best in each other. As we approached our 7 year mark we begin to think of ways that we could improve communication or make our marriage better. We both believe that it is important to keep the spark in our relationship.

The first step that we have made in the new year is reading through the Love Dare together. We had watched the movie well over a year ago and decided against the lesson thinking that it had to do more with the issue of infidelity than anything else. We were pleasantly surprised to discover that this book has more to do with taking steps to initiate a more loving relationship with your spouse. I can honestly say that this book is making a big difference in our life. We have always believed that love is more an action than emotion. This book solidifies making a point to make sure that your partner feels love. I am looking forward to the next 35 days of doing extra things to make my best friend happy.

2010 in Review

2010-12-29T12:01:00.000-08:00

NICU roommate Saffron came for a visit in January

Mommy, Daddy, Auntie Christen, and Uncle Jim went to Sunriver for snow

She She came home for a visit

Bronson helping in the kitchen February

Easter present a boom boom

Handsome Easter boy

Swimming time in April

Gator riding with Aunties

March for Babies April 2010

Love of guitar is born

Zoo for Mother's Day

Celebrating Papa Cookie's 89th Birthday

Hiked to the top of Smith Rock for Memorial Day Weekend

1st Corvette Ride of the season

Celebrating Alanna's 1st Birthday

Church Carnival

1st Movie: Toy Story 3

Car Shows July 2010

3rd of July with Olivia

4th of July with Uncle Jim

Started sleeping in own bed July 2010

Beach Trip

Hot Summer Days

1st Parade with Dr. P and Molly

Benton County Fair August 2010

1st Boat Ride August 2010

She She comes for a visit August 2010

Beautiful Mary watched Bronson for the Summer

Enjoying a Farmer's Market

Labor Day in Sunriver

I turned 29

1st time feeding the ducks

Pumpkin Patch with Family

October 2010

Dashingly Handsome

Next American Idol October 2010 (Gift for pooping on the potty)

Kyle turned 30, November 10, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

Christmas 2010

Bronson Update: 3 years old

2010-12-29T10:59:00.000-08:00

Stats:

Almost 30 pounds (31 percentile)
38.8 inches tall (81 percentile)

I think that we have a NORMAL and healthy 3 year old boy! I didn't need to know his stats to know that he has defeated all odds and is our miracle boy gone normal. We had a wonderful birthday party last night complete with blue party favors and a bucket to collect change for March of Dimes. Bronson raised over $60 to donate for his March for Babies walk. We will go on a field trip today to get the official count. We are beyond blessed to have such a wonderful little boy in our lives. In tradition of naming some amazing things about Bronson here they are:

He has the vocabulary of a 10 year old at times.
His sense of humor is sometimes embarrassing as he tends to use a lot of bathroom humor. Hmmm, wonder where he gets that?
He loves vacuums still and is delighted to have a Dyson to add to his collection.
He plays with boom-booms, kitchen stuff, cars, blocks, and "loveys."
He loves his daddy and says that he is his best friend. He also has many friends at school and talks a lot about Zachy, Demetri, and Liam.
He can recognize his name when written.
His favorite past time is watching you tube videos of vacuum infomercials or other comedic videos.
He isn't a big eater, but will always finish a cupcake when offered.
He loves making up nicknames for his friends and family.
He believes that he has a baby in his tummy. (His Auntie is pregnant)
And he is still the most stubborn kid you will meet, so he is not officially potty trained yet.

3 year old

She She and Bronson

Birthday Outfit

Change for Babies

The Bear Difference

2010-12-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

1 Month Old with Bear

3 years old with Bear

Santa???

2010-12-28T23:09:00.000-08:00

From Pastor Russell Johnston: (My friend from work goes to Pastor Russell Johnston's church and he emailed me this article after our discussion about Santa)

By Mark Driscoll

’Tis the season . . . for parents to decide if they will tell the truth about Santa.

When it comes to cultural issues like Santa, Christians have three options: (1) we can reject it, (2) we can receive it, or (3) we can redeem it.

Since Santa is so pervasive in our culture, it is nearly impossible to simply reject Santa as part of our annual cultural landscape. Still, as parents we don’t feel we can simply receive the entire story of Santa because there is a lot of myth built on top of a true story.

Redeeming Santa

So, as the parents of five children, Grace and I have taken the third position to redeem Santa. We tell our kids that he was a real person who did live a long time ago. We also explain how people dress up as Santa and pretend to be him for fun, kind of like how young children like to dress up as pirates, princesses, superheroes, and a host of other people, real and imaginary. We explain how, in addition to the actual story of Santa, a lot of other stories have been added (e.g., flying reindeer, living in the North Pole, delivering presents to every child in one night) so that Santa is a combination of true and make-believe stories.

We do not, however, demonize Santa. Dressing up, having fun, and using the imagination God gave can be an act of holy worship and is something that, frankly, a lot of adults need to learn from children.

What we are concerned about, though, is lying to our children. We teach them that they can always trust us because we will tell them the truth and not lie to them. Conversely, we ask that they be honest with us and never lie. Since we also teach our children that Jesus is a real person who did perform real miracles, our fear is that if we teach them fanciful, make-believe stories as truth, it could erode confidence in our truthfulness where it really matters. So, we distinguish between lies, secrets, surprises, and pretend for our kids. We ask them not to tell lies or keep secrets, but do teach them that some surprises (like gift-giving) and pretending (like dressing up) can be fun and should be encouraged. We tell them the truth and encourage them to have fun watching Christmas shows on television and even sitting on Santa’s lap for a holiday photo if they so desire. For parents of younger children wanting them to learn the real story of Santa Claus theVeggie Tales movie Saint Nicholas is a good choice.

The Truth about Santa Claus

The larger-than-life myths surrounding Santa Claus actually emanate from the very real person of Saint Nicholas. It is difficult to know the exact details of his life with certainty, as the ancient records are sparse, but the various pieces can be put together as a mosaic of his life.

A Gift-Giver

Nicholas was born in the third century in Patara, a village in what is now Turkey. He was born into an affluent family, but his parents died tragically when he was quite young. His parents had raised him to be a devout Christian, which led him to spend his great inheritance on helping the poor, especially children. He was known to frequently give gifts to children, sometimes even hanging socks filled with treats and presents.

Perhaps his most famous act of kindness was helping three sisters. Because their family was too poor to pay for their wedding dowry, three young Christian women were facing a life of prostitution until Nicholas paid their dowry, thereby saving them from a horrible life of sexual slavery.

A Bishop and Saint

Nicholas grew to be a well-loved Christian leader and was eventually voted the Bishop of Myra, a port city that the apostle Paul had previously visited (Acts 27:5-6). Nicholas reportedly also traveled to the legendary Council of Nicaea, where he helped defend the deity of Jesus Christ in A.D. 325.

Following his death on December 6, 343, he was canonized as a saint. The anniversary of his death became the St. Nicholas holiday when gifts were given in his memory. He remained a very popular saint among Catholic and Orthodox Christians, with some two thousand churches named after him. The holiday in his honor eventually merged with Christmas, since they were celebrated within weeks of one another.

Misnomer

During the Reformation, however, Nicholas fell out of favor with Protestants, who did not approve of canonizing certain people as saints and venerating them with holidays. His holiday was not celebrated in any Protestant country except Holland, where his legend as Sinterklass lived on. In Germany, Martin Luther replaced him with the Christ child as the object of holiday celebration, or, in German, Christkindl. Over time, the celebration of the Christ child was simply pronounced Kris Kringle and oddly became just another name for Santa Claus.

Folklore

The legends about Santa Claus are most likely a compilation of other folklore. For example, there was a myth in Nicholas’ day that a demon was entering people’s homes to terrorize children and that Nicholas cast it out of a home. This myth may explain why it was eventually believed that he came down people’s chimneys.

Also, there was a Siberian myth (near the North Pole) that a holy man, or shaman, entered people’s homes through their chimneys to leave them mushrooms as gifts. According to the legend, he would hang them in front of the fire to dry. Reindeer would reportedly eat them and become intoxicated. This may have started the myth that the reindeer could fly, as it was believed that the shaman could also fly. This myth may have merged with the Santa Claus myth, and if so, explains him traveling from the North Pole to slide down chimneys and leave presents on fireplace mantles before flying away with reindeer.

These stories of Santa Claus were first brought to America by Dutch immigrants. In the early twentieth century, stores began having Santa Claus present for children during the Christmas season. Children also began sending letters to the North Pole as the legends surrounding an otherwise simple Christian man grew.

In sum, Saint Nick was a wonderful man who loved and served Jesus faithfully. So, we gladly include him in our Christmas traditions to remind us of what it looks like for someone to live a life of devotion to Jesus as God. Our kids thank us for being both honest and fun, which we think is what Jesus wants.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-28T23:02:00.000-08:00

Kyle and I were reminiscing these past couple of days that we have had the most magical and wonderful Christmas ever. The holidays are so much better being able to view them through a child's eyes. I think that this will probably be the first Christmas that Bronson remembers and it has been lovely. Bronson was so excited to wake up on Christmas morning and realize that Santa had visited our home. He was beyond excited to see that he had brought him a Baby Dyson. Bronson is still obsessed with vacuums and I think this one topped the cake.

I have to back up a bit to explain that this was the first Christmas in Kyle's entire life that he didn't spend Christmas Eve at his parents. We decided that we needed to start our own tradition and that Bronson needed to wake up at his own house the morning of Christmas. We spent the entire day at my mom's house and then went to visit some family on Christmas Eve. It was so nice to be able to relax and spend time with my sisters and mom. Mom's new house has plenty of room for everyone to stretch out and enjoy themselves. Bronson fell asleep on the way home from mom's house so we decided to just let him sleep through the night. I put out cookies for Santa and Santa left a note thanking Bronson. I didn't want him to worry about forgetting this part.

Fast Forward: Christmas morning...Bronson was so thankful for each and every gift that he received. He kept saying, this is so cool and that is "so bery nice of you." It was so nice to be able to have time to relax and share these memories with our little family. Bronson kept asking if this was Jesus' birthday party? We had been talking a lot about it and trying as best as we can to explain to our son the true meaning of Christmas. We also explained that we celebrate by spending time with our family. As we drove down to Kyle's parents for the afternoon Bronson had the biggest smile on his face. He kept saying how happy he was. He said he was so happy to spend all this time with mommy and daddy. He really knows how to melt our hearts.

We finished our Christmas by sharing a meal with Kyle's family and spending the night there. Bronson woke up with an amazing case of the hives and things have been a bit weird since. No problem, Dr. P to the rescue and Bronson is now on steroids. We think it must be an allergic reaction to something he ate, but this poor kid even had hives on the bottoms of his feet and around his eyes. I am glad that I am off this week to deal with the side effects of a 3 year old on steroids, but this isn't how I pictured spending my vacation.

My Family

My Favorite Guys

Nana and her kiddos

Christmas 2010

Mommy and Bronson

Christmas Boy

Showing off his old and new vacuums

Deets Family 2010

Papa Cookie and Bronson

Papa Huey and Bronson

Our Little Miracle Boy

Papa and Yaya with Bronson

Kyle and I celebrated our 7th anniversary by going out to dinner last night. Christen was sweet enough to watch him so that we could eat dinner at our favorite restaurant. Unfortunately he slept the whole time we were gone and decided it was party time when we returned. It was okay, because we spent the night redecorating his room for his birthday. Bronson now has a full sized bed complete with guitar decor. He loves his "big cozy teenager bed."

A Christmas Tradition

2010-12-25T05:50:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2008

Christmas 2009

Starting in his own bed: Christmas 2010

Christmas 2010: Traditions live on...

December 2010

2010-12-24T22:46:00.000-08:00

Despite my pre-planning this month has went by extremely quickly and been complete with lots of business. I had hoped that Bronson's 1st Christmas of understanding would be relaxed, but seriously who was I kidding? We have enjoyed many traditions this month, but I have to admit we did not complete all of the activities that I planned to do with the activity advent calendar. Some of our favorite things to do this month have been looking at Christmas lights (almost nightly), making cookies, and reading Christmas books. Bronson has also been VERY involved in creating Christmas crafts and gifts for his relatives. I would say that I would give myself a very strong B for effort in making this Christmas as special as possible for our sweet little boy.

We have also decided that we are going to have to be a Santa family. I will attach a very great email later to my blog after I receive permission in regards to the way a Christian family can participate in Santa events without taking the true meaning of Christmas out of the holiday. This email was so great and pointed out so many things that I want to make sure that we do with Bronson. He has really enjoyed his 3 visits with Santa this year and I hope that this season has been magical. He is asleep in bed right now waiting for Baby Jesus's birthday tomorrow and probably dreaming of getting his "baby fridgerator" from Santa.

After the holidays I will post more about our Christmas, but I have to say that today was one of the best Christmas Eve's I have had in a long time. We spent almost the entire day at my mom's house and had such a good time. My mom has really been pulling out all the stops with holidays and her new house is so nice and relaxing. It was decorated absolutely beautiful today and the kids had a wonderful time getting to play together and enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere. We also went over to my grandparents on my dad's side and Bronson got to talk to my dad. I think it melted his heart to hear Merry Christmas Grandpa, I love you! I can't wait until next year when they can both be together for the holidays along with my new nephew. Yes, I am having a nephew due April 30th.

Storybook Land

Civil War Game December 4, 2010

Making Christmas Cookies

Pregnant Ashley, almost 20 weeks

Santa at Western Oregon University

Austin, Ashley, me, and Alexis

Ashley is pregnant and living with us until after her baby boy is born. Joe will be doing several events and trainings for the military and she felt she needed to be closer to family as she goes through pregnancy. I am selfishly very excited for the opportunity to have both my sister and soon nephew living with us. I am hoping that it helps with my sometimes persistent baby fever. I will end this post with a question our friend Dave asked tonight, as tomorrow is surrounded with each of giving and receiving gifts...Have you received the greatest Gift of all? Merry Christmas!

Advent Calendar Events

2010-12-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

In lieu of filling Bronson up with candy through out this month we have decided to make our Advent Calendar a count down to Christmas with activities. I have taken some ideas from several wonderful friends, websites, and specifically Disney's web page to create a month full of fun and celebration. Feel free to use some of these ideas for your own family. Some of these activities will be repeated in the month to create an atmosphere of holiday nostalgia. I love seeing Christmas through my son's eyes. Merry Christmas to all of you!

Counting down to Christmas:

Austin's Birthday party: listen to Christmas music on our drive as we point out lights.
Go see Christmas lights with daddy, finish the evening with some hot chocolate.
WOU Christmas tree lighting and kid's activities in the Werner University Center at 6pm
Civil War: make cookies with Nana and go to storybook land with mommy and daddy after the game.
Starker Christmas Tree Hunt, search for the perfect tree and then attend Olivia's party.
Christmas coloring page: Will be in Bend, OR
Eagle Crest Lights after mommy finishes conference
Drink hot cocoa while looking at lights on the way home from Bend, OR
Decorate our tree
Create ribbon sash for all the Christmas cards, make popcorn garland
Make ornaments for friends and family
Write letter to Santa: Read Mark 1:1-8 CHRISTMAS COOKIES
Take neighbors some yummy treats
Go to Border's with Bronson and buy our annual Christmas book
Read Luke 1:26-28 and celebrate Auntie Christen's birthday
Make door hanger gifts
Give gifts to NICU mommies
Mommy is gone: Watch Polar Express with daddy
Make a gingerbread house
Create gifts for grandparents
Go swimming at 7pm
Read Matthew 1:18-24
Relax with family and watch movies
Open 1 gift (pjs) and read Luke 2:1-5
Read Isaiah 9:1-6 while eating Christmas breakfast

Our family also does lights every night before bed and Kyle and I read a Christmas countdown bible story book. It has been a great tradition. I also advise keeping a Christmas journal. We started ours the second year of marriage and it always interesting to look back and read what we have done.

WOU's Christmas Tree

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-26T15:57:00.000-08:00

We had to change our plans last minute this year and stay on this side of the mountain for Thanksgiving. Kyle and I were both bummed that we couldn't make it over to see Grandpa Kerfoot, but believe that everything worked out pretty well. We spent the day with my mom and sisters, Alexis and Austin. We had a wonderful meal and lots of cuddling with our two adorable kiddos. Bronson and Olivia love each other so much and I enjoy watching them develop their skills of imagination and play. We decided to take advantage of an empty nice house and are staying the weekend at Ann and Bill's while they are gone. Their house is so cozy and warm and has TV. I don't know if I have mentioned before they we have not had TV in our house for over a year. I really don't miss it except on loooonnnnggg weekends. It is nice to be able to veg out and relax without committing to watching a 2 hour movie.

This is also the first year in quite some time that I will not be shopping. I honestly have not missed it at all. I love shopping with my wonder MIL, but sometimes it is nice to not have to deal with the crowds and chaos. Tonight will be a little hectic because I have to travel with Black Friday traffic up to Portland to pick up my little sister, Ashley. She will be moving in with us for the next little while as she is pregnant with my nephew due at the end of April. We are excited to be able to have She She back in Oregon and thankful that we are in a position to be able to help her out. She will also be helping us out with watching Bronson a couple of days a week. We are so thankful for our life and the many blessings that we have seen in 2010!

Aunties holding our lovies

Their true personalities

My guys biting their lips while watching TV

Cousins Thanksgiving 2010

Alexis and Amber 2010

Beautiful table Thanksgiving 2010

Into His Arms

2010-11-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Sweet Angel of Mine,

Several days of the year I am reminded of your presence. I can say that I am at a point in my daily life that I can go a day without dwelling on you not being here. I used to feel selfish if a day didn't go by that you weren't my first thought. I imagine you looking down from above and being proud that we have all made it so far in such little time. I will NEVER get over the loss of being able to raise you, but I do believe that there must have been bigger plans for you. We have always thought of you as Bronson's hero. I know that the ultrasound tech would have never been concerned over Bronson's heart if they hadn't known what had happened to you just weeks before.

Speaking of Bronson. He is such a joy to me. It delights me when he mentions that he has a brother. He is very excited to be having a new cousin. Your Auntie Ashley is having a little boy. There is not a day that goes by that we don't pray for her health and the safe and full-term delivery of her little baby. Bronson asked for two brothers for Christmas. I guess part of his wish came true...he will have a little boy to hang out with.

We still haven't decided when and if we will be having more kiddos. As I have already said, Bronson fills our hearts with so much love and joy that I sometimes wonder if I can possibly fit anymore in. I know for a fact that I can, because I love you just as much. It is a different kind of love. I never have to fear for you. I know exactly where you are and I rest assured that you are safe in His arms. I do not have to tell you to rest in peace, because I know that you are in heaven. Someday I will see you, but for now I will spend my days taking care of your little brother.

Love always,

Mommy

From March of Dimes

2010-11-17T09:05:00.001-08:00

I am wearing my purple today to raise awareness of prematurity. Here is a very helfpul article from March of Dimes. http://www.marchofdimes.com/Baby/loss_neonataldeath.html

November Neverland: November 17th Blog

2010-11-16T22:36:00.000-08:00

Somewhere between my conscience and nocturnal state I daydreamed of a place that was before. I dreamed of a place stopped in November. (A state of semi-reality) I dreamt of a happily ever after. I dreamt that I was putting clothes away in a dresser. There were several sets of doubles. I wasn’t spending the week after my twin-shower thinking of ways to explain to all the guests that their gifts would be for one instead of two. I was eagerly looking forward to the future of two. I was thinking about two in school, sports, and even two going to the prom. I was dreaming about the could of’s, should of’s, and would of’s. That is the reality…I was dreaming.

I wish at times that I could bottle up time in a capsule and slowly move the clock back. In my purely conscience state I am hesitant at sounding selfish and asking for more. Is it too much to ask to be able to have both of my sons? Is it too soon to pray that someday in the near future I can try my hand again at having a healthy pregnancy?

I express my feelings on this day to raise awareness of prematurity and infant mortality. I have experienced both prematurity and stillbirth. I don’t begin to know the exact feelings of anyone that has also shared these experiences. I just happen to know that with the festivities and joy of bringing your preemie home come some harsh realities. There are times that you feel time has been stolen from you. You may be like me and relish in the joy of having your baby home for so long and striving to be the perfect mom that you later realize that you have forgotten to take adequate time to grief. Grief is a normal process for both the loss of a child, but also the loss of a normal pregnancy.

I firmly believe that the experience of being a NICU mommy or daddy can traumatically affect you. Bronson was over a year old before I sought professional help for the heavy feelings that I was having. I began reading several books about the after-math of NICU and realized that many moms like me suffered from PTSD. Before Bronson’s birth I had never experienced anything more horrifying than realizing that my child would have to be staying at the hospital after I was discharged. I never doubted that he was in capable hands, but let’s be honest who sets out to have a baby and not be able to bring them home right away?

The first few weeks of Bronson’s stay in the NICU I would cry whenever I watched another set of parents enter the mommy/baby wing with an infant car seat. I had some major anger at not being able to bring my baby home. I counted down the days until I could scoop up my little one and bring him home. I will say that when this day came I thought all my troubles would be over. I don’t know why I was so naïve, but I really thought I would be completely better once he was home. Boy was I wrong. There were several days that I had to call on the help of family and close friends to come and scoop me up so that I could make it through the day.

Nearly three years after the birth of my sons I am stronger. I will never be over the stillborn delivery of our angel Jackson. I will probably always be a little nervous around pregnant woman. (I still am constantly anxious of other women having a premature baby). Yet I know that eventually I will have enough strength to try again. The rewards of being able to raise one of God’s gifts is so amazing that I would honestly say that it sometimes allows me to stay in my little November Neverland.

In November Neverland time doesn’t stand still. It just moves on without the hurdles and heartbreaks. In November Neverland Kyle and I are raising our twin boys and getting ready to celebrate their 3rd birthday. November Neverland has never heard of heartbreak or pain. November Neverland is a state of imagination that I can only go to when I am half asleep because to think about it in the present state causes too much pain. I occasionally long for this kind of peaceful sleep so that I can let myself imagine the reality of having two full-term baby boys.

Twin Bibs: November 11, 2007

One of many sets of twin outfits: Twin Baby Shower November 2007

Terrific and Thirty

2010-11-15T14:28:00.000-08:00

In celebration of the fact that my husband turned 30, I threw him a surprise party complete with family and a few close friends. I have been planning this party for several months and was very sure that he would find out somehow, but fortunately I was successful in keeping the secret. It was so great seeing Kyle's face as he drove up to Jim's house and realized that several people had driven hours to come and celebrate his birthday. I feel that everyone in their life deserves opportunities to be the center of attention and get some recognition for being a great person. It was so nice to be able to help Kyle feel so special. All night he kept repeating, "I can't believe that you did this for me." He was also completely shocked to see one of our groomsmen, Aaron Kathman awaiting his arrival. We realized that we hadn't seen Aaron since before I knew I was pregnant with Bronson. Time goes by way too quickly. Another weird factor is that this is the 15th birthday that I have celebrated with Kyle. In tradition of another friend's blog I will list 30 random things about Kyle:

He has the greatest and most sincere smile.
His favorite title in the entire world is daddy.
He loves BBQ. (We made pulled pork sandwiches for the party.)
He has loves old muscle cars. We still have our 1976 Corvette which he is thinking about selling.
The man is the one of the cleanest individuals I have ever known. He requires a new pillowcase every night.
He has never broken a bone in his body.
He gives the best hugs.
If he loves you, you will always know it. He has a huge heart.
He is extremely funny and has a twisted sense of humor. Some of our friends played with this humor for his birthday.
One of his hobbies is anything with guns. If he is involved in a hobby he likes to know EVERYTHING about the hobby.
He can memorize historical facts about very random things.
Kyle is a wonderful husband.
He sometimes stresses too much.
He could win an award for the best work ethic.
He loves his family.
He loves Jesus.
He takes at least two showers per day, sometimes three.
His favorite place to visit is Hawaii.
His hero is his Grandpa Kerfoot.
He has several best friends because he is one of the best friends you will ever know.
He used to ride motorcycles and do stunts. (So glad he doesn't anymore.)
He will NEVER own a facebook account.
His favorite season is summer.
He can sing well.
He has a soft spot in his heart for babies.
His whole life revolves around his family. (Bronson and myself)
His dream job would be to be in the FBI or Army.
He is my best friend.
I know his love language.

Opening his gifts

Kyle and Andy

Beaver's Game November 13, 2010: Horrible Game

Jill lighting the candles

Kyle and Bronson on his 30th Birthday

Waiting for the birthday boy!

So excited to see his friend Aaron Kathman

Jill and David waiting in the cold

He is the world's best husband.

I thought I would be a better mommy

2010-10-24T20:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like a failure as a mother? I had one of those mornings. I woke up with less than 4 hours of sleep after a night spent dealing with a sick child and my patience was thin. I had to fulfill my responsibility of teaching eight 3 year old's a Sunday School lesson while Kyle stayed home with Bronson. After getting home I lost my cool. I yelled at Bronson. Before I had Bronson I didn't think that I would be a yeller. I had this little idea in my head that I would be the world's perfect mommy. Why did I think this? I really don't know. I think that everyone thinks that they will be the best parent before they are actually thrown in to do the job. I was talking with our good friend Andy last night and we discussed the saying, "Fake it until you make it." I think that sometimes that saying might be applied to my daily life of parenting.

Two year old's are tough. I love my little man beyond words, but I will also be the first one to admit that he can push my buttons better than any other person I know. I am striving to apply the principles of parenting that I believe in. Kyle and I are a blend of parenting principles. I know several people that might not like the way that we parent, but my feeling is that each parent has their right to define their own parenting style as long as they child is safe, loved, and nurtured. I would say that most of our believes include aspects of "attachment parenting," although we aren't a real strict policy holder of any one parenting method. Does this make us bad parents? I don't think so. It makes us REAL parents. Children are not born with an instruction manual and they take work on both parents parts. I am one lucky lady to have a strong and supportive husband that goes through these days with me.

Here are some of the things we strive to do with Bronson:

Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

1.Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting

2.Feed with Love and Respect

3.Respond with Sensitivity

4.Use Nurturing Touch

5.Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

6.Provide Consistent Loving Care

7.Practice Positive Discipline

8.Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

I know that I am not doing any of these perfectly, but I am trying. I pray daily for guidance to teach Bronson that he is loved not only by his parents, but more importantly by God. I also want to teach him to love God and others. What have you done to prepare for parenthood? Any suggestions you would give to a first time parent? Our next step is to read, "Bringing Up Boys." As with any job, we study and continue on. I will spend some time tonight praying for forgiveness for being quick to lose my temper and give my son a kiss goodnight. I know that he is loved, safe, and taken care of. For now that is my answer to prayers.

And yes...sometimes he gets an easy day because I think back to this. Does this mean I am a pushover?

Beyond Blessed with Fall

2010-10-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Kyle, Bronson, Olivia, Me, and Alexis at Airlie Family Farms

Enjoying their apples

Making his "cutcakes"

Cousins

Our close up

The Deets Family October 2010

Playing with the pumpkins

My sweet little man

Funny Face #1

Funny Face #2

Sweet Olivia

Tractor rides

Riding the bikes

Walking to the corn maze

Oregon has been blessed with one of the most breathtaking Fall seasons that I can remember. We didn't have the best of weather this summer, but I think this string of beautiful days is more than making up for it. We have officially pulled out the Fall decorations and even started burning a few pumpkin scented candles. Despite Bronson being under the weather last week we made a quick visit to the pumpkin patch accompanied by Nana, Auntie Lexi, and Olivia. We really enjoy these types of trips and Bronson loved having his best cousin with him. We ended the afternoon with a visit at Nana's complete with making some cupcakes and pumpkin spice bars. I am so thankful for the weather allowing for us to enjoy the beautiful Fall colors and harvests. Bronson's favorite this month is apples. He has gotten quite good at eating an entire apple and especially loves picking "his" apple from the produce stands.

Enjoying my 20's

2010-10-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

Bronson trying out his funny voice

Bronson eating B-day dinner with me

Bronson feeding the ducks

My 29th B-day

Christen, Kimberly, and I celebrating my 29th B-day

Kyle and I celebrating (I really love this guy)

Kimberly and I celebrating some more

That is right, I have one more year of my 20's left. I just turned 29 on the 12th of September and plan to make this last year in my 20's the best ever. I had a fantastic birthday this year starting off with a party thrown by my co-workers. I then went out with some friends for dinner and drinks on Friday night. On Saturday (my actual birthday) we took Bronson to feed the ducks and ate dinner in Corvallis. Kyle got me the best present ever. He had Bronson paint me two paintings on canvas' for the dining room. They are so special.

More than a break

2010-10-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to write in quite awhile. Life has been going about 60 mph as I have been trying to put on the brakes. Life is great! I don't have any complaints; however, I do wish it would slow down a bit. It dawned on my yesterday that Bronson is getting close to 3 years old. Kyle asked if this means that he will no longer be considered a toddler. I really didn't really have an answer to that question. Can you believe it? I don't really know when a parent stops thinking of their child as a little baby. I know that I no longer consider him an infant, but I believe that he will always be my little baby boy.

My job is even better than I imagined. I am busy the majority of the day and find that 8 hours goes by quickly. As a department our Graduate Office met their enrollment goal for Fall Term and we all threw a little celebration complete with confetti. It reminds me to enjoy the simple things in life. The staff here at Western Oregon University are a great group to work with.

I will post new pictures with my next blog, but for now a quick ponder of where all the time has gone.

Family Photos

2010-09-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Our precious boy

Happy Family

In our 1976 Corvette

Mr. Personality

Mommy and Bronson

Daddy and Mommy

Deets Family 2010, Menari Photography

Laughter...

2010-08-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

Swimming at Otter Beach with Olivia and She She

is the best medicine. Bronson and Kyle are two of the funniest guys I know. Kyle and I are amazed at the sense of humor that is contained in our toddler's body. He makes up jokes on a daily basis and will do nearly anything to make someone laugh. This week has been a rough week, but so worth it! On Tuesday I decided that Bronson was plenty old enough to stop drinking bottles and took them away cold turkey. He has done amazing. Here is the following minor snafu...(Please keep in mind that he learned this bad word from me after I stepped in some dog poo while wearing flip flops) This is a lesson in don't say anything in front of your kids that you don't want them to repeat.

Wednesday Morning riding to Ya-ya's house

Ya-ya: Bronson, what do you want for breakfast?

Bronson: I would like a bottle.

Ya-ya: I don't have bottles at my house. You only drink from cups now.

Bronson: Please have a bottle.

Ya-ya: No honey, we don't have bottles anymore.

Bronson: (under his breath) oh Sh*t!!! Just lovely, but you can tell his frustration. She chose just to ignore it since he didn't think she could hear it. We have decided that some things are better left ignored than making a big deal about it.

Other CUTE things that Bronson has said recently:

Holy Mackerel, Holy Cow
I want to give you slobbery kisses
Mama, I really really love you
I can't find it anywhere
Why are all the cats naked?
Olivia is my cousin (this is his most favorite sentence to repeat over and over again)
That is super cute
So so Silly
Those are my girls (speaking of Mary and Gina)
I have a brother named Jackson, but I call him Jack
I am a baby genius

Jesus has highlights

2010-08-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

Bronson says the funniest things lately. He also says some of the sweetest things too. Recently he started telling us that he loves us without any prompting. He will also tell me that I look pretty or that something is very cute. My other favorite thing that he says is thank-you whenever you give him any compliments. This past week he started responding with, "Yes, I do" whenever you ask him a question. I love watching his language take off.

While I was pregnant with Bronson for obvious reasons our attendance to church began to decline. After having Bronson it has been incredibly hard to keep a regular Sunday schedule. Our number one concern is that we don't want to get him sick. It seemed that whenever we took him to a large crowded indoor environment we would end up at the doctor's the next week. We finally settled on taking turns going to the service and leaving when Bronson began to squirm too much. It has been one of my biggest struggles as a parent, because I get a new boost of energy from being able to worship with my church family. Kyle and I both have a strong relationship with God and want our son to grow up to also have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Despite our lack of attendance of church, we know that we are teaching Bronson about Jesus. This past week as I was putting Bronson to bed he asked for me to tell him a story about Jesus and then immediately asked if we could pray to Jesus for all the babies. He also is very quiet and well behaved during his prayers. We have been praying together as a family since the day he was born. We started the tradition of praying over him while he was in the NICU and still pray each night as a family. He loves to put in his own prayer requests. I have found lately that he will remember to pray for things that I have forgotten about. He has such a desire to serve other people.

This morning when we woke up I told Bronson that I had a great dream with him in it. He politely told me that he had a dream about Jesus and him vacuuming all night. He still has a huge obsession with vacuums. When I asked him what Jesus looked like, he told me that he had long hair with highlights. Kyle and I cracked up. He overheard Alex and I talking about highlights the other day and now constantly talks about who has highlights. He told Kyle and I that Jesus has blond highlights. I thought this was story for the babybook. I am looking forward to hearing all about his many dreams tomorrow when he wakes up.

My brother, Jackson

2010-08-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

Ultrasound July 26, 2007: Found out we were having twins!!!

There has been lots of new conversations in our house lately. Bronson is quite the talker and says things that I didn't think I would hear for years. His most recent topic of conversation is heaven. He told me that his grandma is in heaven taking his brother Jackson and baby Lindsay to the park. Apparently when he asked his Ya-ya a few months ago about where his grandma was she told him that she was in heaven. He came up with the rest of this on this own. Kyle and I aren't really sure how to approach the topic of Jackson with Bronson, but it is a part of our life. I am not really sure how much he understands, but he is very interested in talking about Jackson lately. He also tells me several times a week that we "need to pray for the NICU babies." A co-worker of mine made some blankets for the NICU babies and Bronson was so happy that he had "Dees" (name for blanket) to take to the NICU babies. He told me that the babies were cold and needed their dees. This boy has such a heart of gold and is so caring about babies and others.

Saturday morning when I got him out of the shower he boldly stated to me that he had a brother named Jackson, but he calls him Jack. I have never even said anything like that to him, but he now talks all the time about baby Jackson. Right after this his words were, "My name is Bronson and my brother is Jackson." This comment melted my heart, but I really don't know what to do about this. Kyle and I are praying about how to approach this issue when Bronson is at an age that he understands. It is a tough topic. As you can see from our ultrasound, they began life together. How do you explain to a child that their identical twin is in heaven?

Missing My Man

2010-07-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

Kyle and Bronson are staying in Blodgett tonight. This has seemed to happen a couple of times lately and I realized tonight that although I enjoy the peace and quiet for the evening, I never take advantage of it. I have got nothing done tonight, but a couple of research topics searched on the Internet. I am missing both of my guys like crazy, but especially Kyle.

I can't believe that this year marks 13 1/2 years that we have been together. He still continues to be my best friend, however, I am constantly striving to be a better wife and partner for him. It is so easy to let your marriage go and put it on the back burner and I never want that to happen to us. I am not ashamed to share that we have went to see counselors on several occasions in our marriage. We feel that the most important relationship we have on Earth besides our relationship with God is our marriage. If your marriage isn't strong everything else suffers.

As I was looking up some information tonight in regards to rekindling our marriage I found a great article that I would like to share..."Marital love is like a fire. If you do nothing to a fire, it will eventually die out. You have to keep fanning the flame and place logs in the fire to keep the flame burning. You determine the brightness of a fire."

1. Spend time together. We have started making it a priority for one date night per month complete with Bronson gone for the night.
2. See the best in each other. This step is important to look at your spouse with the same eyes that you started with. Don't let others determine the character of your spouse.

3. Publicly show affection. The author states this is important to establish boundaries for others that are possibly looking to impose on your marriage. Kyle and I do not worry about adultery; however, I am not naive to think that others don't look for opportunities to make their moves.

4. Be attractive. I am one lucky woman when it comes to having an attractive husband. I have struggled with my weight for several years since we have gotten married, but I feel strongly that it is important to take care of yourself and stay attractive for your partner as well as for your own self esteem.

5. Talk to each other. It is important to make a habit out of talking to your spouse everyday. Kyle's new way of doing this in a romantic way is that he texts me everyday to let me know he loves me or is thinking about me. It means a lot to me.

6. Submit to each other. This one is HARD for me. I always want to be in control, but I need to realize that Kyle has great ideas and that his opinion matters just as much as mine. Letting the other person have a voice is a strong factor in providing a safe and meaningful relationship.

I know this seems like a weird post, but I thought it might be nice for me to be open in regards to our marriage. Kyle once wrote me a letter in our high school days that ended with the statement that he hoped to be part of the "greatest love story ever told." I feel so lucky to be living this dream with him!

Summertime 2010

2010-07-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

Bronson and Olivia on 3rd of July Fireworks

Enchanted Forest July 4th

Bronson playing with all the boys on 4th of July

Bronson and Uncle Jim riding the little CAT at Auntie Jill's

Playing at the beach with Daddy July 12th

Olivia and Bronson playing in the pool

Sadly another month has past since I last posted. Bronson is getting closer to 3 and slowly becoming a kid rather than our little baby. His new hobby is changing the octave of his voice and loves to say, "Hold the baby" in a funny voice. We love his new talent. He also loves to call himself and other people by nicknames. Some of the nicknames for Bronson include Buba, Bubby, Babykins, Pumpkin, and Stinky Winky. He has tons of other ones, but these are a few that he will call himself. In the last couple of days he has decided to start calling me just plain old, Mom and it is breaking my heart. I am really hoping for mommy for longer, but what can you expect.

This month has been amazing and difficult at the same time. I love my job and feel so great about going to work everyday knowing that I am not watching the clock or counting down the hours until I get home. My new job is challenging, but in a great way! I couldn't have asked for my prayers to be answered more. We have been spending a lot of this month doing fun stuff on the weekends including several visits with Olivia and Nana. We took the kids to Enchanted Forest on the 4th of July and then finished the evening off with a BBQ at Auntie Jill's house. We watched the big fireworks the night before in Independence with Auntie Christen, Nana, and Olivia. Kyle and I have also taken Bronson to 2 cars shows and to the coast this month.

This past weekend Kyle and I left Bronson at our house with Nana and spent the day on the river with some friends. We try to make this an annual trip and always enjoy it. It was a busy weekend combined with helping Jim throw his huge housewarming party. Kyle and I both have enjoyed watching the process of Jim's new house being built from start to finish. I am hoping to post more in this next month, but can't promise a schedule when the weather is so inviting outside. I love summer!!!

He is 2 1/2 today!

2010-06-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

1st movie, Toy Story 3

Summer Cruise

Father's Day 2010

Attempting the water slide

Waiting in line at VBS

Riding the tractor at Auntie Jill's

Our big boy is 2 1/2 years old today! He has been up to some pretty exciting things. The biggest is that he has slept in his own bed for the last week. It melts my heart when he wakes up and doesn't cry but just walks into my room and says good morning. This morning he woke up at 4:30 and said, "Mama, scoot over please." I don't mind. I love snuggling this little guy. I thought I would share some wonderful pictures of this little man, including his attempt to go down the waterslide at VBS Sunday.

And so it began...

2010-06-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

Standing in our backyard of our first home in June of 2007 where this picture was taken, we had no idea of what laid ahead. I had no clue that I was a "little" pregnant and that in a mere six months I would be a mommy. I felt that the world was at my fingertips. I had a Master's degree from Western Oregon University. We had just sold our home, we had plans to build a new one, and I had a great job at Western Community Policing Institute. Life was good!

It is amazing what six months can change. For most of my pregnancy we lived over the garage of a new home in the Edwards addition and then just weeks before the delivery of Bronson moved into a new home in Dallas. It wasn't exactly what Kyle had hoped for, but it was home and the best situation for us. Life was changing and when we signed the papers of this home we thought we would be bringing home two little boys and needed every spare penny. It was later discovered that we needed every spare penny to pay for all of our medical bills. It was the BEST decision we ever made to buy something at the bottom of our budget.

Life has been hard these past couple of years. I think next to the pregnancy situation it was a major blow to be laid off from the grant funded job. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and have continued to pray for a door to be opened for me in my career path. It hasn't been easy leaving Bronson 40 hours a week, but I know that he is doing well and being loved on each minute that we are gone. We are so blessed with great family and friends to take care of our little boy. I have struggled with guilt over not being a full-time SAHM, but I also believe that it is not my calling. I was lucky to be able to have almost 18 months home with him.

A GREAT door just opened for me. Praise the Lord! I just learned that I will be starting work at Western Oregon University on June 30th. Almost exactly 3 years since I walked in the ceremonies for my Master's degree. It is my dream job! I get to work in the academic world again and with some great people. WOU's campus is so wonderful in the summer and I can't wait to begin.

Process

2010-06-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

Many of you may not know that Kyle and I minored in Health in college. One of the classes that we both took for this requirement was a class on children and grief. I recently came across a paper that I had written my Junior year of college that talked about the loss of a child. It was haunting reading the words that I had written just years before I would suffer that exact loss. My writing was so innocent, yet so empathetic. At that time in my life I actually believed that nothing like that would ever touch me because Kyle's family had already suffered enough loss. Who are we to question how much is too much?

Lately I have been processing. I realize that I will never be the same again. I get tired easier. I am more sensitive to some things and less obsessed with others. I still enjoy a clean house, but don't stress when it becomes trashed in mere minutes from my two year old. I am once again in the process of restraint with tears. My last good cry was a week ago when I had the house all to myself. I stayed up that night reading blogs and watching videos about other families that had experienced NICU or stillbirth. For some reason I didn't feel as selfish crying for others as I do for crying for my own loss. Believe me when I say that NICU is also a big loss.

In May I was able to attend a wonderful Women's retreat with my church. Incredibly God always knows which group that I need to be in. I was once again placed with an older woman in my church that understands my journey and has a lot to add to it. We were also placed with a new woman that started sharing her experience of having her first born die after birth. My dear friend that will remain nameless on this blog reached over to hold my hand and gave me permission to cry. This gesture was so kind and even if I just allowed a few small tears to be shed, it did relieve some of my pent up hurt. I feel that my best cry spells are the tears that I am able to shed for others. This is just all part of the process.

I have struggled lately with writing this blog. My husband doesn't understand why you would want to put all of your personal thoughts on the Internet for one to see. I finally have a response. If I can help just one person by relating to my story than there is reason to share these thoughts. I just allowed myself to read a very personal blog and it was amazing how much her journey mirrored ours. I immediately wrote the woman an email to tell her thank you. Her blog did help me to realize that I shouldn't be ashamed for not "being over it." I am still a mom and have permission to take all the time I need to process the loss of mothering both of my boys.

Exhaustion

2010-06-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a night that I sit alone in my house enjoying the silence. I listen to my favorite types of music on my I-pod and take a few minutes to catch up on facebook. I am exhausted. I have the entire evening to myself yet I can't find the energy to muster much of anything. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Life has been going by too fast lately and I find myself needing to take a moment to slow down. When Kyle offered to give me the night free I felt guilty for needing it after our weekend away last weekend, but I truly need it. I think that it has probably been over 3 years since I have had a good night's sleep.

Today marks the day that 3 years ago I became pregnant. (Hopefully not too much information) It is crazy to think that it has only been 3 years. So many blessings have came our way since June of 2007. Our biggest was the birth of our tiny little boy. I am amazed on a daily basis how smart our little man is. I am taking the night to reflect on how great God is. Kyle and I have had some tough things come our way, but we are so fortunate to share the same faith and be able to pray and stick together throughout life's trials. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend. It seems like he reads me so well. I know that he really wanted to work on his car tonight, but I also think that he knew that I needed a solid night of sleep. We are working on transitioning Bronson into his own bed and so far things are going much better than I expected. He doesn't fight the bed as long as mommy agrees to lay in his toddler bed with him.

My one word title for tonight's blog is exactly how I feel. I actually feel like I am in a time warp with interrupted sleep. I actually fell asleep on the couch last night at 6:30. Kyle let me sleep while he cleaned the entire upstairs. I just couldn't function anymore. It is hard getting no more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night. I think I am finally getting to a point in my life that I require more sleep. I will continue to pray that my little man makes a smooth transition into his own bed. I do have to count my blessings; he started each night in his own bed this week.

Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as we make some huge transitions and changes. We are so thankful for the opportunity for change!

We took a vacation...

2010-06-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

Bronson's special cup

It appears that I actually missed a whole month of blogging. I don't really have anything exciting to use for an excuse, so I will just be honest. I didn't have the time. The transition to working full-time has been a difficult one. I feel that we have finally got a rhythm down that is working for our family and part of that routine is limited computer time. Did I mention that we no longer have satellite in our house either? That has been one of the best financial and family decisions that we have made in a long time. I haven't even missed having the TV around. I will admit that I still watch my two favorite shows via the web, but only if I have the time. Sometimes a week or two might go by before I find the time.

I am taking the time to treasure my family and spend quality time with them. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive husband and find myself thanking God hourly for the blessing of being Bronson's mommy. My life sometimes feels that it can't possibly be anymore blessed. Kyle and I are enjoying the ups and downs of parenting a two year old and learning a lot about each other and ourselves. Parenting has been the most difficult job that I have ever been blessed to have. I just continue to remember that I am parenting for the future and I want my son to grow up with two important things, love for Jesus and love for his family.

Daddy and Bronson at zoo

The girls with Bronson

Our family

Celebrating Papa Cookie's 89th Birthday

To support the title of this blog I must mention that we just got back from a fantastic vacation to Sunriver. I always enjoy our time spent there and it is nice to be able to have weekend to spend with just adults. I enjoy the extra time that I get to spend with Kyle without interruptions. Our little boy has quite the vocabulary and tends to be in the phase of commanding the conversation a lot.

Here is some recent information about Bronson (I know that I am forgetting a ton):

Weight is still around 27 pounds
He has HUGE feet, size 8 to 9
He can pedal his bike and thinks he can swim
Loves movies Toy Story, Chipmunks, and his new favorite The Brave Little Toaster referred to as the Vacuum Show
Has the following phrases that he says often: i no like that, I am daddy's baby, hold the baby, that is disgusting, are you going to the gym?, I want to ride the gator, go to bed, and pretty much anything else. These are just some of his favorite repeated phrases.
Apparently he told his YAYA that something was just terrible this weekend. The things this kid comes up with.
He also says that he is "2 years old." I don't know why but it is no longer just 2.
This little boy loves his family a ton, but also loves to give us a hard time by saying I don't like so and so or that he doesn't want kisses. Seconds later he will body slam you with hugs and kisses.

I love this little guy beyond words, but will say parenting is quite the test of patience and love. I continue to think of the beginning of my favorite verse, "Love is patient." A reminder to myself!!!!

March for Babies: 2010

2010-04-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sarah Elizabeth May

Emma Rose May

Jamie Olsen, Karrie Bowen, and Slayde Olsen

Daddy and Bronson

Christen and me

The boys

The girls

Slayde Olsen

Emma, Jim, and Anna

Me (Self Portrait)

Me and Bronson

With the help from my awesome team we raised over $5200 this year. I am overwhelmed and can't begin to thank all of our family and friends that participated by either walking or supporting us financially. We had some very generous donors this year and it seems like even in this recession people helped us to more than double our goal. Thanks again to the following walkers: The May Family, The Olsen Family, Karrie Bowen, The Robeson Family, The Galvan Family, Jim Starker, Christen Oien, Shellene and Austin Foster, Tim Ayoutt, Christina Mack, Michelle and Bree Kobold, Hannah (Bree's friend), Alexis and Olivia, and anyone else that showed up and I forgot to mention. You all mean so much to me and I appreciate you walking in our event. I look forward to many years of Marching for Babies.

Not only did we raise $5200 that goes straight to March of Dimes, but our corporate sponsors matched certain donations and donated 2 years of prenatal vitamins and 3 cases of diapers to a family in need. We are so happy to help those in our community.

Pure Bliss is...

2010-04-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

being nestled in between your two favorite people. Normally Bronson gets the oportunity to snuggle in between Kyle and I every night, but on Friday night I got the luxury of snuggling in between both him and Kyle. I felt so much peace, love, and comfort. You may not belive in co-sleeping, but Kyle and I both are strong supporters of providing this comfort to our little boy. He is now starting to request his own side of the bed and more recently wants me in the middle. I know that all too soon he will want his own bed, but for now we are both okay with our little night time routine.

Lessons From A Child

2010-04-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

Since becoming a parent I have learned a million and one things. Most of all I have learned that I don't know as much about being a parent as I thought I did. I have also learned that being a parent is the hardest, but most rewarding job that I could have ever been given. I love my little boy with so much intensity that sometimes I feel that my heart couldn't possibly be filled anymore. The other morning after waking extremely early I had a major epiphany. These normally take place in the middle of washing my hair. This was after witnessing one of the most precious moments between my husband and son. I had went into the bedroom to grab my clothes and noticed that Bronson was not only completely on Kyle's pillow, but that he had nestled just between his cheek and shoulder. (Let's not get off track talking about the fact that he still sleeps with us, that is for another post) The love that I witnessed in this moment was so pure. Bronson loves his daddy so much. He never second guesses the love that his daddy has for him. He always delights in his time with him. He knows that no matter his behavior that his daddy will always forgive him and love him despite his actions. He trusts his daddy beyond anything else. He will put this trust to the test by jumping off the highest of furniture knowing that he will be there to catch him. He knows that if he asks for appropriate things that his daddy will provide most of his requests. He delights in spending time with his daddy. In Bronson's world there is nothing better than a kind word or gentle hug from his mommy. Yes, he loves his mommy too, but this moment I was focusing on the relationship between Bronson and Kyle. All of the sudden my heart had such clarity that I almost dropped to my knees in the shower. It was as if God spoke directly to me...Amber, I want you to have that kind of heart for me. This was the most audible moment that I have experienced in a long time. I have listed to the song from Barlow Girls, "Never Alone" over and over again and prayed a million prayers that I could feel a stronger connection with God, but I never had gotten such a clear answer. I need to trust more, love more, and spend more time with my God (my Father). I need to delight in His presence. I need to know that no matter what I do or say, I am forgiven and that He loves me. I love when I get a message from being Bronson's mommy, but I happen to think that this message was exactly what God wanted me to hear.

Easter Traditions

2010-04-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

Our 1st Year with Eggs (2008)

Bronson's 2nd Year with Eggs (2009)

2010, Bronson thought he was making coffee

He fit inside the Easter Basket

He looked cute wearing bunny ears (Easter 2008)

I bought them matching outfits, Easter 2009

He ate his 1st Easter bunny 2009 (Wrong date on camera)

He loved his toys (Easter 2009)

He ate his 2nd Easter bunny (Easter 2010) sitting in his "Dog Show" chair

Looking handsome Easter 2010

Easter is a very special holiday for our family. The foundation of our faith falls on the belief that Jesus is our Lord and Savior. We are very fortunate that Bronson has been able to celebrate 3 Easters with us now. Every year beginning with the 1st we have colored Easter eggs. We have also allowed him to have a bite of the Easter bunny for the past two years. I thought it would be nice to take a walk down memory lane to reflect on our blessings.

Nominee | Mid-Valley | MOM Magazine

2010-04-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

Nominee Mid-Valley MOM Magazine

I was nominated by two people for a Mom makeover. I would love the opportunity to be pampered, but more importantly would love to share about my mission as a supportive team for March of Dimes. Please visit the above link and vote for me.

5am Workouts!!!

2010-03-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

I was at my goal weight here

Start tomorrow...I hope I don't die of exhaustion. I have a great workout partner and I promised that I would participate in this new workout regimen so that both of us could keep a good schedule. I actually think that it is going to make a world of difference for both of us when we get used to waking up and being active at 5am. I am so proud of my friend, Sarah Cooper. It has been just a little over 2 years since she underwent surgery to lose weight and not only has she succeeded in losing a significant amount of weight. She has also started running. We are both doing a combination of Couch to 5k and she is running a good portion of our 30 minute cardio. I remember my first retreat with Sarah and she wasn't able to do any of this stuff, it is amazing the difference that diet and exercise has made in her life. Sarah is my motivator for working out. It really helps to have a great friend and workout partner. I also have an amazing 25 pounds to lose...I am putting this out here so that I can have some accountability. Here is to looking amazing this summer!!!

I am Bronson aka Vacuum William Deets

2010-03-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

Bronson's vocabulary is exploding! He can say just about anything and with this burst of language has come some very cute things:

After being asked what the doctor could do for him, he politely replied, a happy meal...when the doctor suggested apple slices, he corrected him that he wanted french fries.
He says, "Hi baby in the mirror."
When Kyle asked him what his name is, he stated Vacuum William Deets
He tells us that he thinks he is a funny man.
In excitement he will either yell, Amen, Vacuum, or Tony (his new favorite friend)
He calls Toy Story 1: The Dog Show and Toy Story 2: The Mommy Show
He says, Bye Sugar
He can repeat anything that we say, his biggest word delicious.
He thinks that I look like a cross between Ronald McDonald and Jessie from Toy Story 2.
He no longer wants to rock at night and asks to go to bed.
He has his prayers memorized at night and if we forget anyone he will remind us. The other night he would not stop praying for a certain family member and when I asked him if he needed extra prayer, he replied with a very loud YES!!!!
And one of the cleaner funny things he has said lately is that he didn't want to go to the doctor because he would get his buns...this was after a visit to urgent care when he had to have a rectal termperature check. When we changed his diaper prior to seeing the doctor he kept screaming, no buns, no buns!!!

Hope you have enjoyed some of these cute things from Bronson. As he would say, Goodnight Honey!

February 26th: Homecoming Day

2010-02-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

We had a big reason to celebrate Friday. It marked the two year annivesary of bringing Bronson home from the NICU. Lots have changed since that day. I can't believe that he is now 26 months old. Bronson amazes us daily and continues to learn things at a lightening speed pace. Here is some new things about our boy.

-He currently weighs about 26 1/2 pounds

-He favorite toy remains the vacuum

-He is obsessed with the movie Toy Story, but calls it the dog show...he also picked up a new phrase from the movie, "picky,picky,picky"

-He can talk in complete sentences, but his favorite thing is to find cute sayings and repeat them over and over again in perfectly acceptable situations. Some of our favorites are "you gotta be kidding me" "do you have any monies" "you are too funny" and "the mommy, the daddy, and the baby" (He uses this one a lot to tell who is in his family)

-He loves music and making up all types of songs with his daddy

-He is loving his new daycare situation with our dear friend, Kim Re and learns new things daily. She has already helped him learn to count to six.

-He keeps going back and forth on the potty training, but no permanent choice made.

-He is computer savvy and could spend all day searching online for siren sounds, vacuum models, and kid videos.

-He has also noticed the color of his mommy's hair and was pretty sure that the Ronald McDonald on his milk container was an exact image of "the mommy." This has got to be the best joke he has made to date.

My Motivation

2010-02-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

This month marks a year since I stopped pumping every 3 hours to sustain Bronson's nutrition. It also marks the beginning in my ever so quick weight gain. My diet hasn't changed; however the lack of activity has added to a downward slope of packing on the pounds. This is my second month of my new workout plan and I have to admit last night I almost threw in the towel. After a steady routine of 3 times a week of working out and changing the way that I eat...I GAINED FIVE MORE POUNDS!!! Yikes!! I was so upset when I stepped on the scale that tears actually filled my eyes. I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but I wondered why I was working out in the first place and then I remembered my motivation.

I am not working out to lose tons of weight. That will happen in the process. I am working out to be a healthier mom and sustain a better lifestyle for my family. I also would like my husband to be proud of me. He already is, but I think that I could work a little better to be in as good of shape as he is. The man works out 5-6 times a week and still weighs what he did in high school. That would be a huge undertaking for me, but I would love to be back down to wedding weight.

As I approach the end of my first week of running training I am reminded of my new goal and motivation...I want to run half of the 10K for March for Babies. Kyle and I are going to do it together. This is a struggle for me because I like to socialize so much, but I know that the reward will be so much greater when I have pushed myself to work for something that I believe in. I believe in the mission of March of Dimes. I believe that every baby should be born healthy. I believe that no mommy or daddy should have to leave the hospital without their baby. I believe that someday advances will be made to prevent prematurity even more. Until that day comes, I will keep on running for Bronson and Jackson.

Bronson Babbles

2010-02-25T20:41:00.000-08:00

Here is another Bronson quote that came from this weekend at Papa's Pizza. Kyle had Bronson duty while I was busy trying to put together a meeting for our March for Babies team. Bronson was obsessed with one of the video games that had a steering wheel and was basically a fake car. Here is the conversation that took place between Kyle and Bronson.

Bronson: You got any monies? (Kyle was surprised he knew the machine needed money)

Daddy: Sorry buddy, I don't have any cash.

Bronson: (with hands out and shoulders shrugged) You got to be kidding me!!! (It sounds kind of like you gotta be kimming me.) SOOOO cute!!!

My First: Outta the Mouth of Bronson (Thanks Amber G)

2010-02-20T00:05:00.000-08:00

Bronson stayed up late the other night because he refused to poop in his diaper. I don't know why all of the sudden it bothered him, but he was adament that he needed to sit on the toilet. After 10 minutes he finished the task and I took him back into his bedroom to get ready for bed. He shrugged his shoulders while holding out his little hands and in a fashion that was almost like, "what's the big deal?" He said,"I was just sitting on the pottychair and I pooped." When I asked him the repeat himself he shrugged again and repeated the same sentence. He uses lots of three to four word sentences, but I think this is probably the most complex sentence I have ever heard from him. It totally cracked me up.

A Byer Becomes a Vacuum

2010-02-19T23:57:00.000-08:00

It happened overnight; Bronson no longer uses his made up word for vacuum cleaners; "Byer." I have to admit, I miss his little made up language. Almost six months ago he began calling vacuum cleaners a buyer. The only reason that we can think he called them this is because he watched his daddy vacuum up a spider and he couldn't quite say the s sound. Anyways, he has a true obsession with the vacuum and would talk about byers in his sleep. He even saves ads from the newspaper so that he can look at each and every vacuum that is for sale. His Papa Huey taught him that all vacuum's cost $99.99 (Bronson just says 99). This obsession has been very cute and also kind of disturbing. This kid thinks about the constantly.

Last Sunday we left him for a couple of hours with his Auntie Christen and when we returned we realized that he was referring to the vacuum with the correct terminology. It shocked us. Christen said that he had been talking non-stop about the vacuum hose. I think that this is a series of changes that we are about to embark on as our little toddler becomes our little man. I just want to jot these little notes down so that I can remember this weird little obsession that he has.

A Confession...

2010-02-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

I want another baby really bad. For some reason for the past couple of weeks I have been having this strong desire to have another baby. Then I think logically and talk myself out of this completely crazy idea. I can barely handle one baby, what am I thinking about adding another one to the mix? Also, I don't think that this idea would go over so well with my incredibly driven husband. We have a game plan and I must stick to it. I also really want to be in a better place finanically so I don't have to worry so much when my next little one is a baby. Here I go speaking of my next little one...I think I just have to say outloud that I think I am slowly getting over being scared of the unknown with another one. I think that God is preparing my heart for the maternal instincts and clock to start once again. I don't know when it will happen, but I know that I am strongly beginning to desire to add to our family again.

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this intense feeling while looking through pictures of your oldest, but it just makes me long for that "baby stage" again. I still refer to Bronson as my baby, but I know the day is coming soon when he will correct me and beg me to refer to him as a big boy. For now, I will just hold him a little tighter and longer and treasure the times that I have with him still wanting to cuddle. Seriously, this isn't an announcement there aren't any new ones on the way, but my heart is slowly softening to the idea of another one sometime after Bronson gets a bit bigger. Thinking maybe 4 or 5.